Comments on: VA: When to See a Therapist

By: al

al — Wed, 14 May 2008 02:42:40 +0000

I had a psych teacher who said, “If you want to help people, don’t become a therapist. Become a lawyer.”

Just throwing that in there. Heh.

By: Redheaded-Stepchild

Redheaded-Stepchild — Sun, 06 Apr 2008 02:22:18 +0000

Right fucking on. Therapists want nothing more than to have you sob for an hour a week (or more than that if you’re really stupid) and gratefully utilize the conveniently located tissues. If you can talk about your problems intelligently and coherently, a therapist will stop you. They have no interest in *discussing* your phobias or your anorexia or why you hate your parents. If you ever think you’re having a productive conversation with a therapist, it’s just because they’re still gathering information on how to turn on the water works in twelve words or less.

Rent “Old Yeller”. It’s cheaper and ultimately less damaging.

By: Elizabeth

Elizabeth — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 06:29:08 +0000

So, you adapted and got over it, and you’re totally fine except for the panic attacks when you’re getting dressed?

Okay, I’m convinced. You don’t need therapy at all.

Jesus. Go find another therapist if you don’t think this one is working, but don’t sit there acting like you’re too good to need one.

By: Lauxa

Lauxa — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 16:33:00 +0000

Wow, this post was popular. Personally, I’d like to hear the funny version of that story.

By: Lori V.

Lori V. — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 16:23:14 +0000

..”.and since most therapists are in the field to resolve their own issues, they crave success and crying becomes their vindication.”

I don’t know which therapists you’ve been to, Pablo, but if one chooses to become a psychoanalyst, one must undergo several years of therapy themselves to assure that their own issues are already resolved before opening themselves up to other people’s issues and the possibility of their own issues interfering.

I personally adore my “therapist.” The second I step into his office, I feel more calm and peaceful. If you’re paying this person, THAT’S what you want to feel in therapy, not redundancy or fear.

By: O. Frabjous-Dey

O. Frabjous-Dey — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 05:52:37 +0000

Wow. So, yeah, I reread that - she’s talking about her mom, not sleep paralysis. Jesus Christ.

By: AJ Powell

AJ Powell — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 03:17:57 +0000

*ponder*
Epigeios makes an excellent point.
Crying can almost be seen as a little checkbox. Did you finally FACE what you’ve been hiding from yourself? Check. It made you cry. You experienced the situation again and realized how incredibly fucked up and WRONG it was, and that made you cry.
Now its time to take that knowledge and use it. If your therapist keeps harping on the crying thing like it’s the end of the road, she’s stuck. Sounds like she was a great start but it’s time to move on to a new therapist or whatever you need for this stage.

//My mom used to do the same thing, oddly enough. She only felt she “reached me” when she made me cry. I guess she should have become a therapist!

By: Epigeios

Epigeios — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 01:33:24 +0000

my god, V, your readers are all stupid.
they keep arguing about whether your stories are true or not.
they keep arguing about semantic things where if anyone took the time to LOOK UP the words, they’d know the answer.
and now they’re agruing about whether shrinks are good or bad without addressing any real issues!

look, V, here’s the answer.
therapists can be good or bad. most are bad.
therapists start out with an idealistic view of wanting to help everyone, but quickly get crushed (either in the job or in college), and turn into monsters who try to manipulate their patients. manipulation wil ALWAYS compound problems.

crying is the most efficient way of getting rid of bad feelings that are built up.
bad feelings build up. once you’re done crying, you have to get rid of the cause of the bad feelings, so that they stop building up.

people are excellent at creating defence mechanisms. in your case, V, the defense mechanism is simple mental disassociation. you turn the bad things into a funny story, so that YOU can laugh at them too. that is why crying about them is necessary for you.
but when you’re done crying, you need to fix the problems. that’s when you hold things in front of your face until you can stop the fear. that’s when you stop caring about how your mother tortured you as a young child, accept it, and then forgive it.
then once you’re done coping with all of that, you need to forgive yourself for having the fear.

put simply, crying is only one step. forcing away the fear is only another step. both of those steps have suitable replacements.

By: Chelsey

Chelsey — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 23:50:15 +0000

My thoughts on therapy. Let me share them with you.

By: MonkWren

MonkWren — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 21:33:22 +0000

pablo - You are correct in that I’ve worked at the house less than a year, although I’ve worked both morning and evening shifts, and my “buy-in” to therapy may be naive and idealistic - but if we don’t maintain some of that idealism, what’s the point? You are correct that there are few tangible or immediately visible effects to therapy, but tears are not an automatic indicator that progress is being made - all they indicate is that the person is going through emotional pain, frequently because they are reliving past pain. The point of therapy is to move beyond the tears to the processing that happens afterwards, but sometimes the tears are necessary to be able to process. Tears in and of themselves, however, are not indicative of the ability to process, nor do they indicate progress in therapy, even if they are used as such. The point of therapy is to use a safe and comfortable environment to address past or present issues, and to help the client overcome those issues. Simply airing the issues out like old laundry is not all there is to therapy, however.

As for the idea of a “traditional” therapeutic process, I have yet to meet a therapist that uses one approach exclusively, although they may specialize in one area or another. Sean has a great idea in suggesting that V seek a Cognitive Behavioral specialist, given that V is apparently comfortable with her past (at least to the point where she can live with it, and enjoy life), and merely wants to be rid of some of the annoying side effects of those traumatic memories. That doesn’t mean that V’s current therapist cannot help, it’s merely an alternative.