(http://www.cnn.com/2007/LIVING/personal/07/11/always.apologize/index.html)

“Anyone who has been on the receiving end of the comment ‘I’m sorry you feel that way’ knows the difference between sincere regret and an attempt to avoid responsibility for bad behavior. Few things are less likely to evoke forgiveness than apology without remorse.”

The forgiveness article was linked from cnn’s front page today and I thought you might like to look at it. It’s a very damaging phrase and I’m glad you wrote about it.

“I’M SORRY YOU FEEL THAT WAY. NOW GO BACK TO WORK.”

I’m sure all you fine people have NEVER accused someone else, just to make yourself feel better.

It is POSSIBLE that SOMETIMES people think that V MIGHT be mistaken (oooh! Noooooo!) and that her rants get them to the place where they say ISYFTW. Given her penchant for agressive replies to idiocy, I’m thinking that this might happen with some frequency, even when the idiocy in question isn’t the fault or the responsibility of the person she’s talking to. Now, I could be wrong here. It’s totally possible that in person, V is really Judith Martin, but I kinda doubt it.

Anyway, V, if I’ve offended you (which I seriously doubt), Tough Shit.

Or, I’m sorry you feel that way.

Whatever. If you’re not sorry for what you did, don’t make some fake apology to make you look like less of a dick.

When it got to the point of me saying “I’m sorry you feel that way” the customer was a lost cause. They would usually be yelling, and it was generally warranted that they should be upset, but if you can’t control your temper so that you have to yell at some 18 year old kid, well, you suck.

If you treat me with respect, and there is an error that was caused by our company, I will give you a heartfelt apology. Otherwise, I’ll apologize for you being an idiot.

Yep, exactly. Nobody owns up to their feelings or actions anymore, because we as a society don’t make it necessary. A hundred years ago, if you shot a man’s horse because it was running you down, you’d have bought him a new horse or hung from a tree. Now a days, you’d just look at him and say, “I’m sorry, but he was in the wrong, not me! Get yourself a new horse!” and walk away feeling better about yourself for saving the world from said wild horse. It’s bullshit. We’re a society without personal responsibility, without acceptable social skills.

And yes, this was oozing with judgement. But at least I can admit it blatently.

aka, the relative who uses every family gathering to subject the rest of the family to his endless diatribes about the horrors of homosexuality - when someone attempts to step in and say SOMETHING about tolerance or whatever, they always fall back on the old excuse “Oh, I love the sinner, but hate the sin!”

and yet, this same person, pretty consistently is hateful towards the sinner, too

its another cop-out attempt to claim to not be judgemental even when you are oozing judgement.

One time he embarassed me to score a bunch of points with middle management flunkies-in-training. Later he pulled me aside in dry storage and said, “I’m sorry.” Holy crap, did he just say that?

“I’m sorry,” he said, “That you screwed up.” Ah.

But we do have the ability to choose how we react to things, right? We own our own feelings, no one else can make us feel feelings without our consent, letting them is just giving them free rent on space in our heads, and all that happy crapola? Or was my therapist just blowing smoke up my ass (again) with that one?

I’m just kidding I don’t have a therapist, I just know people who do and I’ve heard of things like this being said in that context, ok?