VA: Pet Peeve #7: I’m Sorry You Feel That Way
May 23rd, 2007
(9 votes, average: 2.56 out of 5)
Loading ...I cannot stand the phrase ‘I’m sorry you feel that way.’ Mostly because the people uttering that tripe are very rarely trying to sincerely apologize. Instead, they are subtly implying […]
Original post: Pet Peeve #7: I’m Sorry You Feel That Way
I’m sorry you feel that way, V.
fake apologizes are my absolute pet peeve. i hate the smarmy, snotty, condescending tone that people they use when they say it, like they’re being so put out by having to appease someone else’s feelings/anger by realizing that their own actions may not have been appropriate.
i don’t subscribe to the rampant “pc”-ness of the word. i’ve had to over-explain and spoon feed my ideas to people on my livejournal, for god’s sakes, because people got their panties in a twist over something i said. (and, yup, i just said “panties in a twist”).
i never realized how marginalizing that phrase is. but i’ll be sure to use it the next time a customer of mine tries to get me to return a product that they’ve beat the hell out of, because they’ve broken it. ha! they can rant about how i’m an uncooperative bitch who’s just trying to screw them for my own personal amusement (and i almost never am), and i’ll say “i’m sorry you feel that way, but given that you can’t produce a receipt and we don’t sell this item anyway, we won’t be giving you a *soulless coroporation* giftcard. have a great day!”
ha. my evil knows no bounds.
I am sorry you feel this way
V, how many pet peeves do you have?
I’ve always thought of ‘I’m sorry you feel that way’ as a P.C., i’m-ok-you’re-ok kind of therapy-speak way of reminding other people they are responsible for the way they react to what you do, or some nonsense like that. It’s quite smarmy & patronizing in that aspect, of course.
But we do have the ability to choose how we react to things, right? We own our own feelings, no one else can make us feel feelings without our consent, letting them is just giving them free rent on space in our heads, and all that happy crapola? Or was my therapist just blowing smoke up my ass (again) with that one?
I’m just kidding I don’t have a therapist, I just know people who do and I’ve heard of things like this being said in that context, ok?
Well this post I can get behind. I had a kitchen manager at Red Robin, ran a tight ship, no bull, paid the good guys well. All around good except..he was. never. wrong.
One time he embarassed me to score a bunch of points with middle management flunkies-in-training. Later he pulled me aside in dry storage and said, “I’m sorry.” Holy crap, did he just say that?
“I’m sorry,” he said, “That you screwed up.” Ah.
Yeah, it’s kinda strange for people to feel any certain way.
This or That…
another kind of similar pet peeve is “love the sinner, hate the sin” ALWAYS, those who say it, also hate the sinner.
aka, the relative who uses every family gathering to subject the rest of the family to his endless diatribes about the horrors of homosexuality - when someone attempts to step in and say SOMETHING about tolerance or whatever, they always fall back on the old excuse “Oh, I love the sinner, but hate the sin!”
and yet, this same person, pretty consistently is hateful towards the sinner, too
its another cop-out attempt to claim to not be judgemental even when you are oozing judgement.
oozing?
“its another cop-out attempt to claim to not be judgemental even when you are oozing judgement.”~coolfrequency
Yep, exactly. Nobody owns up to their feelings or actions anymore, because we as a society don’t make it necessary. A hundred years ago, if you shot a man’s horse because it was running you down, you’d have bought him a new horse or hung from a tree. Now a days, you’d just look at him and say, “I’m sorry, but he was in the wrong, not me! Get yourself a new horse!” and walk away feeling better about yourself for saving the world from said wild horse. It’s bullshit. We’re a society without personal responsibility, without acceptable social skills.
And yes, this was oozing with judgement. But at least I can admit it blatently.
I used to say this phrase all the time, when I worked in customer service. It would never be something I would say in my personal social life, because it is a pretty dick thing to say, but when you are working in a store, and somebody is pissed off, and they take out that anger on you, what are you supposed to do?
When it got to the point of me saying “I’m sorry you feel that way” the customer was a lost cause. They would usually be yelling, and it was generally warranted that they should be upset, but if you can’t control your temper so that you have to yell at some 18 year old kid, well, you suck.
If you treat me with respect, and there is an error that was caused by our company, I will give you a heartfelt apology. Otherwise, I’ll apologize for you being an idiot.
I’m with you on this one, V. Here’s another version that I hear from politicians that have said something really offensive: “I’m sorry if what I said offended/hurt anyone.” Especially when only a blind, deaf and stupid idiot could not know that they’d offended and hurt quite a few people. It’s just not honest. How about “I’m sorry that what I said offended some people. It was thoughtless, and I shouldn’t have said it.” or “I’m sorry that what I said offended some people. Their whining has really bothered a lot of people, and I’m sorry that I triggered a whole bunch of whining when I told the truth about them.”
Whatever. If you’re not sorry for what you did, don’t make some fake apology to make you look like less of a dick.
Nah, you all are a bunch of whiners. When I am RIGHT (which happens with some frequency) and some dick-brained, front-line employee is trying to make it be my fault that 1) they forgot to do routine maintenence on their car so they were late and got written up, or 2) their mommy forgot to set the alarm so they were late etc., then, when they accuse ME of being heartless, I say,
“I’M SORRY YOU FEEL THAT WAY. NOW GO BACK TO WORK.”
I’m sure all you fine people have NEVER accused someone else, just to make yourself feel better.
It is POSSIBLE that SOMETIMES people think that V MIGHT be mistaken (oooh! Noooooo!) and that her rants get them to the place where they say ISYFTW. Given her penchant for agressive replies to idiocy, I’m thinking that this might happen with some frequency, even when the idiocy in question isn’t the fault or the responsibility of the person she’s talking to. Now, I could be wrong here. It’s totally possible that in person, V is really Judith Martin, but I kinda doubt it.
Anyway, V, if I’ve offended you (which I seriously doubt), Tough Shit.
Or, I’m sorry you feel that way.
Look, V:
(http://www.cnn.com/2007/LIVING/personal/07/11/always.apologize/index.html)
“Anyone who has been on the receiving end of the comment ‘I’m sorry you feel that way’ knows the difference between sincere regret and an attempt to avoid responsibility for bad behavior. Few things are less likely to evoke forgiveness than apology without remorse.”
The forgiveness article was linked from cnn’s front page today and I thought you might like to look at it. It’s a very damaging phrase and I’m glad you wrote about it.