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Little Girl: Mommy, why did Daddy go to jail today?
Mother: Shh! Because he didn’t pay his child support.
[Mother receives sympathetic stares from bystanders. Decides to talk louder.]
Little Girl: So if […]
Original post: Overheard in the Post Office
“But it’s all for the good of the child…”
Oh, those terrible, selfish mothers! How terrible that they do this to those noble, deadbeat fathers!
Do you know how long a parent has to NOT pay child support before he/she gets thrown in jail? It’s a pretty long process here in PA - months and months, and all that time, the custodial parent has to continue to pay rent, electric, water, food & medical bills, because they don’t stop charging for those things just because your spouse decided to stop paying to support the kids.
It would be lovely if all marriages could stay intact and happy and both partners could put their kids first and be responsible parents.
But, barring some pretty desperate circumstances, what kind of good, responsible parent stops paying child support for long enough to be sent to jail? I have heard so many horror stories about men being “taken to the cleaners” by their greedy wives, and about dead-beat fathers who shelter their income and live high-on-the-hog while their children live in squalor, but in my not-so-limited experience, no one really profits from a divorce/child support agreement.
I think most parents would prefer that their spouse be an involved parent who can contribute to the welfare of their child both financially and by physically being there for the child.
Retardedness, indeed.
“custodial parent has to continue to pay rent, electric, water, food & medical bills, because they don’t stop charging for those things just because your spouse decided to stop paying to support the kids.”
You know, you still have to pay for most of those things even without kids. If you can’t pay your rent, what are you doing with a child?
I didn’t say I couldn’t pay my rent. But why should the other parent not pay child support, just because I am a responsible adult and can still manage to work my ass off to pay my bills?
Because the other parent’s presence in your child’s life is more important to the wellbeing of your child than the couple of bucks you claim you don’t need anyway since you’re already paying your bills? And because it’s impossible for the other parent to remain in your child’s life if you cart him off to jail? And because many American’s can’t pay their bills and end up filing bankruptcy and we don’t send THEM to jail?
I guess what it comes down to is which is more important to your CHILD? The money? Or the Dad?
Do some research. Most of the men in jail for not paying child support aren’t deadbeats. They’re POOR. A lot of people fall on hard times and struggle to pay their bills. Apparently, it’s only a CRIME if you’re a Father, though.
The thing is, Y, that is you honestly cannot pay, the case will a lot of times be closed.
For example, if the non custodial parent is on SSI, Disability, or Aid, the DCSS isn’t going to take money from that. Yes, I’ve seen cases where they have accidently but usually it’s not intended.
And it’s true… you need to actually avoid the court dates and hide from it all before they send you to jail.
Not that I agree with the whole child support thing… but I work for them and they pay me so I guess I shouldn’t speak too badly about them.
I guess it comes down to a single question of which is more important.
“The Mothers desire for money or the child’s desire to see her Dad?”
Depending on which you, personally, feel is more important is probably going to determine how you feel about a man being thrown in jail for lack of payment of child support.
In my case, I think it’s a tragedy. But then again, when we say ‘for the good of the children,’ I actually consider what the children really want.
Look - I am not saying that I would ever deny a parent the opportunity to see their child, even if they did owe a ton of back child support. I wouldn’t even ever speak badly about the other parent to a child, even if he owed a ton of back child support. Because I know that this is the child’s parent and bad-mouthing them would only hurt the child.
But, what I am saying is that if you have a child, if you choose to bring one into the world with your spouse, you should do everything in your power to support them. I don’t get that ‘too poor’ stuff. I am far from rich; I barely manage to pay my bills, but I do. I make sacrifices, not excuses. I work overtime. Parents who are required to pay child support and are really trying to contribute to their child’s welfare don’t get put in jail. People who try to cheat and actively refuse to support their children are usually the ones who get sent to jail.
Hmm, all this anti-child support stuff V spouts is badly thought through, and works on the assumption that all women are money grabbing bitches. Does she think that children aren’t expensive? Newsflash - lots of women work their arses off for their children, and still need a little extra to buy their shoes, their clothes, the food on the table - and BOTH parents have a responsability to contribute to the child’s well-being. Of course children should see their fathers, and I have absolutely no time for pathetic women who use their children as a weapon against their ex - but this, at least where I live, is the exception, not the rule.
V has said in the past, that she agrees with benefit money being given in the case of family tragedies making it hard for people to get by… Well, what if a woman works hard for her kid, as does the child’s father, and then they get a divorce? The parent with custody might be still working hard, but not making ends meet. As equal custody provides no stability (one week at one house, one week at another? I don’t think so) someone has to have custody, and the other parent has a responsability to chip in the funds to keep the kid’s life stable.
Some parents are just deadbeats (in the only family I’ve ever actually seen a true deadbeat, it was the mother, and the kids lived with their dad, but that’s just my experience) and they ought to pay their damn chuld support.
If that father cared about seeing his kid, he’d have contributed to her upbringing. Even if he thinks the wife doesn’t deserve the money, what’s more important, spiting your ex, or deserting your kid by being put in prison? As other people have said, he must have had ample warning - and the money owed would have been written off if he truly couldn’t afford it - so this “poor guy” stuff is bullshit. He chose an action which directly led to him not seeing his kid. He’s an asshole.
Is that where V’s been? gathering up bail money?
Wow, this must not have taken place in Texas! They honestly don’t give a shit about deadbeat parents who don’t pay court-ordered child support, they refuse to make them pay and they refuse to send them to jail, and those deadbeat parents still get full visitation.
Aw, it sounds like V is bitter because her husband has to support his children and it all can’t go to her. Poor POOR V. She should have married a man without children.
Mixed feelings…. I see in V’s post the point that the system seems to completely ignore the welfare of the children … and I agree that often times, the way divorces and splits occur, people use the children as weapons and what is best for the child becomes a non-issue. Any parent who uses contact with the child as a bargaining chip to get what they want is simply horrible.
But I disagree that based on the information provided, we can automatically assume that seeing her dad WOULD be the best thing for the child. Being a biological parent does not automatically mean that someone is inherently a good influence on a child. I know several people (both female and male) who would cause more damage to the child by having contact than they ever would by not having contact.
A 6 year old may not have the ability to understand and will be upset over the separation, but things are rarely black and white. Especially considering that, as screwed up as our system is, a man is rarely picked up and put into jail the first time they miss a payment. It has to pretty much be proven that they are intentionally trying to avoid their responsibility for them to be put in jail (disclaimer: Yes.. I am sure there are outliers to this). At which point, I would have to know more about the quality of the person who would do that to their own child to determine if the benefits of contact outweigh the damage that sort of a role model can do.
I always wonder about this. He (or she) cannot make decent payments from jail, so who benefits from this? Taxpayers pay more to house this individual. The spouse and child don’t get anything extra out of it. I don’t agree with non-child support, but does throwing them in jail solve anything?