VA: More Gift Giving and the Last Psychiatrist
Jun 4th, 2008
(15 votes, average: 2.73 out of 5)
Loading ...When I bitched about the current GIMMEE culture, I realize I never offered a solution to the problem. Instead, I merely insisted that gift giving traditions, in their current forms, […]
Original post: More Gift Giving and the Last Psychiatrist
If you mention “no gifts” in an invitation card, that would be bizarre, like any other kind of mention or even hinting towards a gift.
For me it has worked that I have ever since I hit teenage years said verbally “I won’t buy you gifts, and I won’t expect gifts on any occasiation” whenever there is any talk about any gift-related party.
But me never buying gifts is slightly incorrect. If I know what to get, I get it. Like last winter I did buy something for someone. Actually bought something.
A friend of mine was jelous of my little flask. Plain metal one, no ornaments. He used to live in Ireland and he likes whiskey.
I bought same kind of flask, went to a jeweler to make inscription on it with my handwriting and bought a bottle of Irish whiskey, that was put in cascet in ‘97, they made 5000 bottles of that particular whiskey and no new batch has come out yet.
I was about to give the gift, when he told me he’s throwing a birthday party in a month. So I waited almost a month to give the gift. Only couple of days before I gave it.
But damn that whiskey was good. (If you mix ice or cola in your whiskey, don’t even bother thinking what kind of whiskey that was.)
Although normally I am against a gift because it is expected, although not expected, still, if you have thought in it, it’s brilliant.
I was thinking about the shopping list V mentioned couple of posts back. Great gift would’ve been a self-knitted too large woolen pullover. For example. With a fix-guarantee. Sure, at first the kid will throw it in the corner and play with the plastic toys. But those toys will end up in to the same corner. The difference is that the toys will remain there. The self-made woolen shirt will last and last until it is too small. (Therefore too large at first.) With a promise that if there’s a hole, you’ll fix it.
In few years, when you are fixing the elbows of the shirt, ask the kid what else did he get at the same birthday party when he got the shirt…
I have a better idea, and one that has worked out very well: I put something like “If you really want to bring a gift, bring something for the party” on invitations. I word it differently, depending on situations, and I don’t have kids yet, but it has worked well for stuff like house warmings (people brought beer, exotic drinks, old rugs, paintings/posters, their own music) or my own birthdays (people mostly bought fun party foods, and a stripper once).
Car’An did you get to keep the stripper or did you have to return it?
I married him.
Just kidding.
*ha*
The ‘just a party’ instead of ‘birthday party’ thing may work in theory, but in practise can you really ignore that it’s a kid’s birthday? They may be excited about being another year older, and mention it to their friends. So when said friends get the invite, they may assume it’s a birthday party and that gifts are required.
Sometimes when I was little we had Pot Luck parties, not for my birthday but just to have fun with some friends. No gifts required, though I think some of my friends may have brought something small. (The thing is that people do like giving, if for no other reason than as an expression of thanks for a nice time.) I like the idea of that instead of a birthday party, my only worry being that by the time I have kids people might not be familiar with the concept anymore, and bring a gift anyway because they may be too embarrassed to ask whether or not one is required. (I never know for sure how people’s minds work.) The ‘bring something for the party’ note does seem like a pretty good solution.
“The ‘just a party’ instead of ‘birthday party’ thing may work in theory, but in practise can you really ignore that it’s a kid’s birthday?”
No, you really can’t. It’s hard to do it for adults, even - I threw a party for my husband’s birthday, without mention of that fact, but people found out anyway and showed up with gifts. Which we didn’t want, but oh well. He accepted them with effusive thanks, because, well, he’d be kind of a dick if he hadn’t ;)
Here’s the thing about wishlists/registries. People absolutely WANT to give gifts, whether from the goodness of their hearts or a sense of obligation, and wishlists make it really easy for them. I love the fact that I can go to Amazon and look up the wishlist for my very hard-to-shop-for brother, and get him something I know he will want. Of course, in that case I searched out the wishlist, he didn’t send me an email with a link or anything.
Now that would be tacky.
To be fair, I come from a family where us kids didn’t get tons of expensive gifts, and while it probably made me a better person or whatever, it kinda sucked to spend 13 years in school always being the one to have to say “A good book” when asked what awesome toys I got for my birthday.
Don’t forget that while you might be an adult, your kid just is not. All your awesome teaching them that gifts don’t matter won’t do jack for their self esteem when in school their “friends” tell them that their parents hate them because they give them no gifts or that they are too poor or whatever. These things do happen, and I’d say they pretty much happen everywhere, to everyone.
You are not doing your kid a favor by making him a social outcast. You are making it even worse by telling them that they are better than all those other kids that don’t want to play with him or her anymore.
is it just me, or does the last psychiatrist sound ?
GAH, sound narcissistic ^^ is what that should say
>Furthermore, I somewhat agree with the idea that it’s also rude to write a ‘no gifts’ request in your party invitation. I don’t think it’s as rude as including a goddamn wish list in there, mind you, but it’s still impolite nonetheless. Very vaguely, it does imply you were expecting a gift in the first place. Not only that, but if someone really wants to give you a gift, you are kinda refusing them and that’s pretty ungrateful.
She’s not being her usual insensitive self.
Why not just write “Gifts are optional”?
I would go with the “gifts are optional” thing, but I rarely ever throw an actual party. And anyone I would bother to invite I would wind up calling before the party anyway, so I guess it may not apply in my particular case.
I think, as a whole, weddings are bullshit. If you’re filthy rich and spending thousands and thousands of dollars on a wedding doesn’t bother you, go for it. But for me, my love for my fiancee can be just as easily expressed (with less stress for both of us) without a massive shindig. Weddings also make no sense for people who are taking out loans to pay for it, or maxing out credit cards.
Before I even broached the subject with my girlfriend, she said that it was ridiculous that people had weddings when they could make major investments. Her exact words were that she would just take a long Mediterranean cruise and save thirty grand. Yes, it’s possible to do a wedding cheaper than ten grand, but it’s still a lot of money that I would rather spend on something that’s not a party.
Baby showers also bug me for women/families who already have a child. Most women who are having baby #1 don’t think to have a baby shower — probably because they’re too busy with other things. I’ve been friends with so many women who wind up never using most of the baby gifts, and sometimes return gifts to get something else.
uggggh…
Here’s a solution to the GIMME culture…
http://www.naturemoms.com/blog/2007/06/13/eco-friendly-birthday-party/
“…read about a woman that orchestrated a puppy-themed party for her child to benefit a local animal shelter. She made dog-bone shaped oatmeal cookies for snacks and In lieu of birthday gifts, guests brought donations, dog food, leashes, water bowls and toys for the abandoned animals. All the kids and especially the birthday boy LOVED it and the animal shelter brought puppies for the kids to play with.”
Love that one! My 4-year-old would LOVE that, although I’m not sure if our local shelter would bring puppies to the party…unfortunately they may see it as a liability.
That’s what I’m doing for my wedding. I’m considering putting something like “In Lieu of gifts, please make a donation to the Sacramento Children’s Home” and having that be that.
Im having a BBQ for my wedding. I will be dipped in shit and rolled in rice crispies before I try and have fun in a suit. Fortunately my S.O. is also poor and posessed of a great deal of comon sense.
There is nothing wrong with gifts, I love to give them, but something demanded or expected isnt really a gift. Its hard for me to get a real gift for my S.O., because even after years of association and admiration, I still have NFI what she really likes. She likes intricate, turquoise jewelry, but when I pointed out a piece that I really liked and thought would be great on her, she gave the fractional shrug and smile I associate with ‘Nice Try’. Then, when she pointed out something she liked, it basically looked like blue-green anal love beads. Long story short, while I would have gladly dropped 100 bucks on the necklace I liked for her, I wouldnt pony up 20 bucks for the one she said she liked. If you give a gift, it should be freely given, out of desire to do so, it should give you excitement and joy to do it. The only thing I ever got from a registry was a saucepan for my brothers wedding. A 135 dollar goddamn saucepan, I might add.
If you want to, do it. If you dont want to go throught the bullshit of receiving, say so. Getting gifts IS an imposition, at least to me. All I want is to have the people around me that I like and be able to swill beer, listen to music and throw frisbee with. If they wanna bring themselves, or friends, or S.O.s, thats great and if they wanna bring a gravity bong or a bottle of Jager or the like, go team.
But if anyone gets me a toaster, Ill scream. But a GOOD belgian waffle iron is another thing altogether….