VA: Learning to Love Yourself is a Pointless Waste of Time
Jan 2nd, 2008
(11 votes, average: 2.73 out of 5)
Loading ...People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself. But the self is not something one finds, it is something one creates. ~Thomas Szasz, […]
Original post: Learning to Love Yourself is a Pointless Waste of Time
One needs to understand oneself, in order to effectively help others.
If your idea of a cure is to inject air into people, or some other misguided attempt to help someone, you just end up doing more harm than good. Understand your flaws, and understand the flaws of others, then you can help them right whatever is wrong.
Not everyone can or should help others. Some people just have a habit of making things worse.
What am *I* doing? Three words:
Teach. For. America. I’m going to be a teacher as long as I’m in grad school. As soon as I get there, anyway.
Look them up. I firmly believe they’re helping one of the greatest causes this country has right now.
What are *you* doing, V? We hear so much about what you’re against…. so what do you believe in?
can you do teach for america and grad school at the same time?
Yup. They’ll help pay for it as you go.
blah blah blah!
Olb makes a good point. V illustrates it herself, she wrote that at first she chose the wrong kind of volunteering. First we need to find out what we like to do and what we are best at. Then again - what better way to do it than by trying things out?
“as long as I’m in grad school.”
So…forever=)
More power to you, but you’d probably want to stick with college/uni classes, unless you want to all of a sudden inherit a bunch of children.
“blah blah blah!”
Intriguing. What is your stance on blah? heh. Better to point out where you disagree with and the reasoning than making yourself look like you’re insufficient.
Thinking about the “finding one self” concept, I think it’s really more “finding the world” which could end up in someone seeing the bigger picture.
I am so tired of talking, talking, talking. I have been listening to people talking while I’m acting and I’m sick of it. V’s post was right on the money. TAKE ACTION. I have heard so many people complain in great detail about what is wrong, but these same people will not help solve the problem even when asked directly to do something relatively painless. You know who does help? Random people from the oddest places. People who didn’t even know there was a problem. They simply decided to take a small action and then follow through with bigger actions.
Don’t wait for grad school. Do something–even a little thing–for some other person, animal, cause–now. Quit talking and start doing.
I “found” myself when I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb.
When you get that, your life will become easier.
I rant and complain, but not about my own life. My life is perfect for me. It’s the other people that bother me.
“Look outward and your innards will work themselves out.”
Truer words were never spoken!
This is why cleaning when you’re depressed is such great therapy.
This is why taking a walk with no other purpose in mind than walking makes one feel so good.
And on and on….
“Look outward and your innards will work themselves out.”
I see nothing wrong with introspection and making the effort to learn about ones self… but I do not think that is what she is talking about. I think she is talking about people who ‘talk’ about doing it instead of actually doing it.
I think it has more to do with the attitude, not the action… I have never learned anything worthwhile about myself when I set a planned course of study. I can set out to ‘learn’ about myself by taking a painting class, a cooking class, a class on basket weaving and only learn whether or not I like painting, cooking or basket weaving…
Or… I can set out to try different things because I WANT to and learn all those things… and if I pay attention to my interactions with others, my attitudes pertaining to my interactions with others and resolutions to those interactions, I will most likely, learn all sorts of stuff about me.
I live in my head, so I know all about how I interact with me. The real question is how do “I” interact with others… if I am seeking anything, it is not about me, but about my place in the ‘we’ … and I am not going to find that out by focusing on ‘me’. As long as I am open to trying new things, there will be no shortage of information about what I do and do not like… but in order to ‘find’ myself, the most important thing to look at is the neighborhood I find myself in.
Self contemplation does not have to be the same thing as self absorption … but all to often it is.
Actually, I thin k we need more inwardness, not less. the more one looks within, the LESS narcissistic one tends to get. You look at something long ebough, you see it for what it really is, flaws and all. the problem is, many people dislike themselves, so they act selfishly because they refuse to confront themselves. They want other eyes turned on them, just not their own, and we’re all like this to a certain degree, so we expect fulfillment to come from the outside, from the praise/respect/admiration of others, which is ultimately unfulfilling because in the end, there is only one opinion that really makes a difference.
A good example of this in action would be the entheogen church in the amazon, which gives people a psychoactive concoction that forces them to see themselves- they were so effective at turning hardened criminals into selfless volunteers that Brazil formally legalized their “sacrament.” This is also why monastic orders, which promote reflection and meditation, do so well at producing similar results. You can’t be useful to others until you fix yourself.
This was very on target, she gets to the heart of the matter. I love the chick who writes this blog, but am surprised by some of these comments.
It’s amazing how many of you misunderstand VA’s point. Wether or not you agree with her point of view; you should at least have the self respect to correctly identify it -rather than publicly, parading your lack of insight here.
If VA’s writing style was either sloppy or verbose I could understand this misinterpretation -but seeing as it is neither of those things, I have to agree with Pamajama -some of these comments surprise me; to say the least. I guess the world is full of simpletons… xXx
There is nothing wrong with loving yourself. It’s not the selfesteem police. Loving yourself doesn’t mean being self-centered, selfish, or putting you before anyone else. Loving yourself only means to accept who you are and respecting yourself as you would another.
You have to love yourself in order to love and help others. Why? The answer is simple:
You are with yourself all the time! If anyone’s going to be there it’s you! If you are happy with yourself you are in tern a happier person and willing to share your love for life with others and yourself. People who hate themselves are miserable and depressed. I don’t see how that in anyway is supposed to make them more loving towards others. People who are insecure ruin relationships all the time because of it! Either you become clingy, desperate, and anxious, or you become critical, bringing down others to make yourself feel better! If you love yourself than you will be a better person because you will have no reason to feel down, or put anyone else down! When you truely love yourself, life becomes a more beautiful place that only makes you want to share that love with others.