Loading ...During breakfast yesterday, my Husband asked me a question.
“Hey, do you remember that project I was involved in last year?”
“Vaguely.”
“Remember Brian? He was working on it with me. You met […]
Original post: Just Say ‘NO’ to Bastard Children
During breakfast yesterday, my Husband asked me a question.
“Hey, do you remember that project I was involved in last year?”
“Vaguely.”
“Remember Brian? He was working on it with me. You met […]
Original post: Just Say ‘NO’ to Bastard Children
Amen. I have a 24 year old daughter who has several friends who have done the “we don’t want to get married just for the kid thing”. Makes me want to hurl.
We waited 8 years before having our child. We were horribly irresponsible with our money, but finally decided that if we wanted to have kids, we needed to get our spending habits under control. We did it, got out of debt, and our biggest reward…the kid. It feels so good to know that we became responsible adults and learned how to deal with our problems BEFORE we had the added factor of a child. Although, I must give our child some credit for helping keep us responsible. After so many years of bad habits, it’s a challenge to stay responsible. But when you know you have to remain responsible so as not to put your child into a desperate situation, it’s a great motivator.
Oh, yeah… cause getting married is the answer to everything in the first place, cause we know how successful all these marriages in the US are…
“I wish we would go back to the time where we hid the pregnant, unmarried sluts with the relatives down south while their babies cooked and then brought them home 9 months later with some half baked story of a dead Aunt a new baby to take care of.”
We still do that around here. The more stories I hear from V about pickup trucks with no windows and WalMart, the more I think that she must be living in the “down south” where we’ve been sending our sluts…
I agree with aneyah, we got pregnant before my husband and I got married but decided to wait to actually get married after I had our son and make sure we really wanted to be together and didn’t just do it because we have a baby together. That’s just what your kid wants to hear when they grow up- yeah we just got married because your dad knocked me up, instead of, yeah we got married, but not because
I was pregnant with you, it just made us want to get married even more after you were born which was why we waited. Just because a girl gets pregnant doesn’t mean she should marry the guy- what if he’s a complete asshole and they would be fighting all the time? What kind of an environment would that be for the child? A shitty one.
Why don’t you wait to find out if he is such an asshole before spreading your legs….
Yeah… you want make sure you don’t get stuck with an asshole for a husband but you’re happy to take the chance that the father of your child might be one? Hmm… interesting.
I’m going to have to partially disagree with you here. There is no point to marriage. Commitment doesn’t come from a ring, piece of paper and expensive event. I agree thatconsidering a long-term relationship of any kind a thing that requires more consideration than becoming a parent is really stupid.
So, you messed up and got pregnant. Not a smart decision by any means, but not one that can’t be dealt with one way or another. Decided to keep the kid? Fine. But getting married just because someone’s knocked up is a huge mistake. Not only do you have to handle the stress of a child, but you have to handle the stress of a shitty marriage and whatever other terrible things come along with it (ruined credit, debts incurred because the spouse is a deadbeat, who else knows?). Yeah, you might be stuck with an asshole for the other parent of your child, but at least you won’t have to pay for a divorce along with it.
sometimes people are too damn judgemental
you’ve gotten meaner lately, V
This is the best post from V in a long time. I think folks who believe they can have kids and then “figure out the rest” are delusional and lying to themselves, and I wish people would stop having kids to accessorize with their handbags and the cars they can’t afford.
There is a great movie (well, the premise was good anyway) called ‘Idiocracy’, which is about how the ignorant and irresponsible are breeding at a faster rate than the folks willing to wait 3-5 years - sometime more - before having children. It is a funny look at how society is DEVOLVING, and traces it to the fucking ignorant and irresponsible who are out breeding us.
Aneyah and E… did you not think of getting married FIRST, before having unprotected sex at the very least? Wouldn’t that be the SURE FIRE WAY of ensuring your baby’s daddy ISN’T an asshole?
I would not call you crazy, but narrow-minded and ignorant! Not wanting to get married BECAUSE of the pregnancy has nothing to do with diminishing the commitment level on marriage! You know, people are perfectly happy just being together and they might not need a piece of paper telling them that now they are a couple, because what they say to each other has greater value to them than what others hear them say in church! And if they do get married after 20 years of being together, so what? So what if their children take part in the wedding ceremony? That’s the societal stupidity that tells you that first you should get married and only then you should have children, not the other way around. I admire anybody who goes against that “requirement” that society imposes upon us!!
You contradict yourself a lot!
There’s really different topics falling under this… and really, it doesn’t matter if you have a kid then get married or get married then have a kid. It all falls back to how responsible the people involved are.
If they’re irresponsible, either way will fail. If they’re responsible, either way will succeed.
There’s also the topic of the “traditional” family of 2 parents, which doesn’t guarantee any success, but likelihood is higher. And marriage and taking time before having a child ensures that they actually get along. There’s also the single-parent, which is obviously going to be a bit harder, and the potential for the whole child-support thing which V is against. But then there’s the whole village raising the child thing, where in a more collective society, the entire family would be chipping in and things will be done differently.
Then there’s the issue of “Why the fuck are they having a kid in the first place?” and the “babies are accessories”. Which they may or may not be thinking. Wanting one is probably a natural thing (otherwise we’d be extinct), but wanting one raised well probably not so much.
So yeah, many factors come into play, not just “Which came first, the marriage, or the baby?”
The way I see it, if a couple has already decided to bring their mistake into the world, there’s no reason to compound the problems by getting into a situation neither of them want. Marriage is about as legally binding as horse shit nowadays, but it still represents a commitment in alot of people’s minds (and the judgment of their families) that they aren’t able to live up to.
An unhappy marriage can lead to a messy divorce. If 2 people drive each other crazy, it’s better for them to remain friends than move in together. The kid would be better off with separate but sane parents than a couple at each other’s neck.
This is coming from someone who got the ‘best’ of both situations described by V. My married parents were progressively more hostile while I was growing up, and I participated in my dad’s second marriage.
Sayeth the second wife. Silly.
I have been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years. Waiting on marriage and children until we KNOW that we are ready. However everyone has found it necessary to ask us (I would guess from 5 months into the relationship) “OOh! when are you guys going to get married and have baby’s?!?!” my response… “Well we kind of want to wait on those little things like money, stability, and knowing that I’m not going to fucking murder him when I’m having his child. I don’t know about you but when I plan on bringing a life into this world, I don’t want to have any surprises about my spouse. Call me crazy but I think its called being a responsible adult.”
Usually those people don’t talk to us after that… Goal achieved.
Why so hot and heavy on marriage ? What makes two people who get married more suitable as parents than two people who want to spend their lives together without that bit of paper ?
I find what’s going on these days rather stupendous. I know someone who’s only 20 and already got a kid. The stupid thing is he isn’t even married to the mother.
He spends huge amounts of money on random stupid shit, and geuss what? He can’t pay some of his bills for the next month.
He claims he barely has time to do anything, but still he has all kinds of online-game subscriptions, and leaves his computer on all day (bad for your bills, AND THE ENVIRONNEMENT).
That kind of people make me hurl. I’m 15 years old, but with what I’ve seen on television and heard from other people; I feel more mature than more than 50% of the world.
Weddings, another crap story. Nothing more than the church’ way to lift some more money out of your pockets. That’s what religion is; taking controll over easy-convinceable people. And lightening up their wallet while they’re at it.
Kirth