VA: It Takes Two Parents To Raise a Successful, Functioning Child
Mar 6th, 2007
(12 votes, average: 4 out of 5)
Loading ...Last year, during Christmas dinner at my in-law’s house, someone asked the Sea Donkey if she was planning on having more children.
My brother-in-law, quickly responded, “Oh, I don’t think so. […]
Original post: It Takes Two Parents To Raise a Successful, Functioning Child
Your brother-in-law’s a puss. There’s no way a self-respecting man would take such direct abuse with his tail between his legs. Worse still is that it was done in public.
The double-standard is frustrating though. If I get a woman pregnant I am responsible for the financial well-being of the child besed on how the woman decides; if she says no abortion, no abortion. If she is jobless and fights for custody, she’ll win in almost any court in North America. If the man quits his job however, well clearly he’s a dead-beat dad.
Two? Pff. I had two, and look how I turned out.
Maybe six. Seven, preferrably.
Fucking great post! Yeah, your brother-in-law is a pussy, and his wife is a freaking bitch with unbeatable character.
If a girl is giving me orders, I switch “ignore” on, let her cry or bitch or whatever she likes to do. If she doesn`t learn that I`m not a piece of furniture, I leave her. Or it will surely end in cheating.
Kids are assholes by nature. V was probably an asshole and a cunt when she was a kid. She just doesn’t realise it because well, she was happening to her parents. Good parenting is about turning assholes into half berable people who can go through with their lives without splattering too much shit onto other people.
I think the villification of the discipling father plays a big role in the direction society is taking.
Quote:
“When you erase the Father from the scenario the end result [is] a generation [of] little boys who grow up not knowing what it means to be a man and little girls who grow up not knowing how to find a good one.”
V, you are spot-on with this comment. I think it sums up your whole post & point, and succinctly describes the biggest problem going on with parenting today. Look at the past vs. the present, and find the missing link between then and now. It’s not that hard. I wish more parents would wise up and realize what they’re doing.
Men need to stop worrying about being villified as sexist pigs and take back their rightful equality in relationships. I’m not suggesting male dominance, but I think the pendulum needs to swing back toward the center.
- Natasha
This is just another reason for the Voluntary Human Extinction Movement.
http://www.vhemt.org/
Stop bitching about it like a woman. Get a vasectomy. Problem solved.
Go vhemt! I’m all for human extinction, voluntary or not. The Girlfriend and I negotiate everything. If either one vetos, it’s a standstill. Neither one of us could be forced into having kids.
What does ’successful, functioning child’ even mean?
really…
Oh for fucks sake, it made Digg frontpage again.
Who cares… what the fuck is Digg
anyway? You of all people should
know what they say about opinions….
respectfully,
em
This is why I’ve been living alone for 16 years now. They have been - although loveless and sexless, unfortunately - the happiest 15 years in my life.
In recent years, vibrator sales show a steady upward trending.
13-
So has homosexuality it seems.
Tell the brother-in-law to go get cut. Problem solved.
@12
Go out and get some for the love of God. Even if you have to pay for it!
He married her, I’m willing to bet she’s been like that since the day he met her so he knew what he was signing up for. I don’t really know of any relationships where the woman has full dominion over choices about children, relationships are all about compromise, I don’t know any of these types of women V is talking about and even if I did, no one is holding guns to the heads of the men that are with them.
Thank you V. For this article and also:-
http://www.violentacres.com/archives/54/the-deadbeat-dad-myth
The system works much the same in the UK.
Men get so programmed to believe that saying ‘It’s not fair’ is just a sign of weakness, that when we are confronted with something manifestly unfair, we feel diminished for seeing it as it is.
As a single mom, I can say without a doubt V’s absolutely right. It takes 2 people to make a baby, it should take 2 people to raise one. My short one’s dad is out of the picture by his own choice, not by mine. And it’s hard to try to be both Mom and Dad at the same time. However, I do my best to compensate for the lack of male figure in his life by involving my dad, brothers, and other close males in his life when I can. I’m trying to raise a man, a productive member of society, and I’ll fully admit I can’t do it on my own. I also agree that men need to remove their testicles from their women’s purses, re-attach them, and learn to stand up for their rights. Life secret of the day? Women will walk all over men if they’re allowed to. Sometimes we need someone to put us in our places and tell us we’re not the center of the universe.
Oh and by the way my husband was raised by his mother and her best friend who was a “butch” lesbian after his father left when he was 1. He’s more masculine, good hearted, and decisive than any other man I’ve ever met (which was the reason I was so attracted to him in the first place) so I completely disagree with V here, it’s all about the people doing the raising, it has nothing to do with gender in my opinion.
@9
Anyone who isn’t you.
Holy cow what is wrong with you people? I don’t even know where to begin. That Post was so redonkulous I couldn’t even force myself to finish reading the entire thing. That post is exactly what is wrong with the world today. It’s always someone else’s fault. Play the blame game. Don’t bother taking any responsibility for your own actions. Victimization! That’s the ticket. It’s the easy way out, there’s little to no risk, and requires virtually no effort.
So as long as we’re playing the blame game, as far as I can tell 100% of the blame here should be going to the “Sea Donkey” AND your puss brother-in-law. You need to have a successful, functioning marriage before you can have a successful, functioning child. Putting all the blame on the wife is a pretty spineless way out. If the puss-in-question was dumb enough to marry a woman he lets boss him around and make all of the decisions, then that’s his mistake, and his cross to bear, and their kids will no doubt pay the price for it. But put the blame on the man for being too weak to take a stand, just as much as the woman for being an overbearing bitch.
Second of all your comment about the marginalization of a Father’s role in the modern family is complete bullshit. Maybe I’m the exception versus the standard, but I actually see myself and many of my friends as taking a much more expansive role in the modern family. When my wife’s maternity leave was over, I took 3 weeks off and stayed home with the baby. We both take equal duties in feeding, clothing, and staying home while the other goes out, and pretty much every other day-to-day decision that has to be made. We’re a team (equal partners) and we know that one could not do it without the other. Period.
As for me, I love being a part of my daughter’s life, and my wife is more than happy to let me take an active role and help out with the care AND the decision making. In general I’m a horrible decision maker and my wife is many times annoyed with me for being so wishy-washy. But she’s also the first to point out how opinionated I am with it comes to my daughter. And she gladly defers to me more often than not.
And I also couldn’t agree more with a couple of the statements above that it takes two PEOPLE to raise a child (not necessarily a mom and a dad).
TWO reasonable, quasi-intelligent people, with decent morals, a slightly better than average amount of common sense. And teamwork, whether you agree on everything or not. But the woman is no more to blame than the man. Step up and be accountable. That’s one of the best lessons you could ever teach your kids.
@22
Word!
i agree. you cant blame everything on the mothers. and for the record V, the andrea yates thing was a horrible example, she was an abused woman with post partum depression. her husband wouldnt let her out of the house, or seek psychiatric help. he wouldnt let her take BC or anything else. and he was a religious wingnut. i am ALL for personal accountability, and i agree with some of your points, but that was a bad analogy. furthermore, when you have many, many men skip out on supporting children that they actually agreed to, and were not tricked into, i think you can place alot of blame on the man.
Right on bman!! I completely agree.
Place blame on the man?
No I agree with everything he said
@21
oh i see.
I am pleased to see this post in a more intelligent light. Posters have become more articulate and wise. Or, perhaps they finally have something valuable to share. Situations whereas environment, education, emotional involvement and responsibility all affect any future spouse and their underlying behaviors. And, yes, I agree. Any significant other that tolerates particular behaviors needs help from their friends and family to see how to correct it, or, remove themselves from it. Many people remain in sour relationships because of pride or ‘commitment’. Sadly, most of the time, you have to hit bottom to realize the ship is sinking. Time to get out. Pointless to bail water.
‘the ship is sinking…’
Thank god.
I can’t wait to see how successfully
all of us function in a sunken ship.
It should be quite interesting.
godspeed VAers…
…or on a sunken ship.
…just eager for spring.
don’t worry, after the snow melts
I’ll be gone…
from this message
board at least.
I just figure if I start saying goodbyes now
noone will feel left out.
; )
‘I am pleased to see this post in a more intelligent light.’
hmmmm… whatever you say cap’n.
‘Holy cow what is wrong with you people?’
via 22
They don’t even know, b…
We’ve heard that from you before Emerild, you sound like a little kid whining for attention, and it’s getting really old.
‘What does ’successful, functioning child’ even mean?
really…’ via 9
‘Anyone who isn’t you.’ via 21
and you and you and you…
I love the Sound of Music…
Shut up jen I’m not talking to you.
‘Maybe six. Seven, preferrably.’ via 2
Are you referring to children or parents?
What’s the difference again?
C’mon dig deep…
#2 we may be getting somewhere now…
Here I go again ‘whining’ for attention…
If I was whining for attention don’t you think
I’d prefer it be of the ‘friendly fire’ variety.
Truth is at this current moment I’m just
slightly bored and takin’ over.
Fuck you if you don’t like it.
I’m possessed by V…
Everyone is completely self-centered… FACT
~If they say why, why, tell ‘em that it’s human nature~ via MJ
‘VA: It takes two parents to raise a successful, functioning child’
Yes it takes two 100% self-centered and self-serving parents
to raise a self-centered and self-serving child…
It’s a matter of survival…
so our species can survive…
I mean consume…
I mean survive…
It’s an anthropocentric thing I guess…
…and a bit of a conundrum.
But don’t worry cuz Elvis loves you.
Keep going… let’s see if it floats.
For the record I am not anti-human…
on the contrary, I want to see how many
of us little criiters we can fit on to the ship
before she puts the fire out herself.
‘…On with the show this is it.’ via the looney tunes crew
non vi, sed verbo… Live long and prosper!
…and don’t forget to flog the village idiot
em… at your service
…as the sun still shines
: )
And this concludes this moments
emerild hour… hope you enjoyed.
; )
bmanjayhawk, chill out. V’s just commenting on a problem she sees, not the whole spectrum of marriage and children raising. That’s what people do - they see something they consider wrong and talk about it. In this case - she sees that a lot of women, unconditionally considered the “weaker sex” by the society, use this stereotype to enforce their will on their husbands (and children), becoming in reality the “stronger sex”. When any relationship should be about finding a role for each of the parents, instead of defining who’s the “stronger sex” or whatever. It’s very fine in my family (both the one I grew up in and the one slowly forming), and I’m happy it’s so in yours as well. Unfortunately, I know families where the situation is *exactly* how V describes it. There’s a lot of talk (meaning campaigns and such), at least in my country, about husbands physically and psychologically abusing their wives (which is good - the campaigns I mean ;)), but not a single word is spoken about vice versa. Why? Same reason - women are still unconditionally considered the “fair sex”, and thus the idea of a wife abusing her husband even psychologically (much less physically) seems so awkward to everyone (including the husbands!!!), that there’s only silence. The result is weak, cowardly men and depressed/goth children with drug and alchohol problems. And no, I’m not saying that this is the one and only root of all evil. Just another problem no one’s talking about, when they should.
Emerild, I hope you appreciate me taking the time to talk to you. Because really, there’s no logical reason for me to do so. But just so that it is said - one of the reasons why most of us (well, me at least, but I don’t think I’m alone on this one) don’t like you is that you post 5, 6, 7 and more posts in a row. That’s what spambots do. Even though you’re apparently not, if you keep acting like one, I will keep treating you like one. Namely - ignoring you.
Oh, you also go offtopic way too often and for way too long. Which is also what spambots do.
You can reply if you want, but unless you start talking more sense and writing more sensibly, I will treat you as the spambot you are imitating and just skip over every post that starts with “Emerild”.
Shadowbird, I actually find it quite interesting that you took the time to talk to me. I could care less if you like me or my spambot ways. Let me ask you a question? Do you think all this serious discussion is leading us
to some sort of new awakening in the history of humanity. Some Utopia?
I have come to the realiziation that everything said by V and you and everyone else is just a mashup of every discussion ever. If it helps you to have serious discussions about the way things are… then more power to you. Your #41 post was great… I’m glad it helped you help yourself on the state of the world. If it works in your local microcosm… amen.
Truth be told, all this talk talk, including mine is just that. Whether it’s serious discussion or spambot style. It’s all the same… it goes in circles.
Conversations, discussion… human style always end up going in circles ………….round and round and round like a merry-go-round. We are an anthropocentric species and if all we talk about is how to deal with our immediate problems such as raising our children to be functional and particularly successful without regard to the the environment that sustains our existence… then there is a chance the children are gonna
have one hell of a time just scraping together food & shelter much less being successful. Cowardly men and goth/depressed chlidren aren’t gonna mean shit when billions upon billions of people are searching for what could be quite limited essentials.
Thanks for the concern… I’m not saying we’re doomed. I am saying there are more pressing issues concerning the state of the world than yours or anyone else’s children. Teach your children survival skills then
maybe they’ll have a chance. As for me… there’s no chance in hell…
I have no survival skills whatsoever and I don’t care.
There that was me being ’serious’ for a minute.
We’ll see how things work out I guess… it should be interesting.
I’m actually an optimist disguised as a pessimist.
Take care of your kids, and unless they are like perfectly trained
sheep dogs… keep them outta my bubble.
On with the ’serious’ discussion of the issues facing humanity…
maybe ya’ll can work something out.
I hope so.
Well, I agree for the most part. Of course the villification of men today is a violent backlash against the trend of mothers forced to rear their children without the support of the father, by the father’s choice, not their own.
Also, I would never force my man into having children, but quite frankly its not the desire of my heart. I would concede to have children in order to satisfy his natural desire for a family.
However, my man’s bestfriend is currently married to woman because of an unplanned pregnancy. According to my man she once said, “It didn’t matter if he wasn’t ready for a family, I was.” And there you have it folks. I think that’s twisted.