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Loading ...I often write about the mistakes I’ve made. In fact, I would say the majority of this website consists of all the stupid, ridiculous shit that I’ve done over […]
Original post: I Am So Sorry Sandler
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I love all of V’s blogs… apparently we think a lot alike.
This is a post I wrote to a dog named Puppy a while back…
I feel like complete and utter shit for the way I treated him, too.
And my son still asks about him, to this day.
What a sad story. Sometimes the hardest person to forgive is yourself. But VA, you seem to be a very self-honest person, with a strong (if somewhat skewed) sense of responsibility and compassion.
I do not doubt that you would handle a similar situation very differently today.
Maybe it’s time to forgive your eighteen-year-old self. You were selfish, thoughtless, and cruel. You were also young, troubled, and overwhelmed.
The way you write about Catholicism, it sounds as though you’re looking for someone to punish you, or for some way to punish yourself, as if you need punishment to be absolved. It isn’t punishment that redeems us VA, it’s learning from our mistakes, doing all we can to put them right, and working to do better.
You are not the same person today. Grieve for the child you were, and the mistakes you made, but forgive yourself.
Your havent changed and you know it . You tell this story to make you feel bit better but you havent changed at all and the type of person who looks for any reason to justify vile things like what you did to that poor dog
I am no angel but have never done anything as grotesque as you.
Those that say they understand like 1 BLU are cut from the same fabric as you are.
What a horrible cruel thing to do.
We’ve all done things for which we’d give almost anything to take back. Alas, almost always that option isn’t on our menu.
Forgive yourself — I forgive you.
They say the only thing to fear is fear itself, but I’ve found it isn’t true. The only thing worth fearing - and almost impossible not to fear, in some cases (mine!) - is your own self.
Sometimes you can’t forgive. Sometimes you can’t forget.
What then? It’s not punishment, it’s not even penance. It’s reaching for sanity, and trying to find an answer.
But it’s done. What then?
Wow. That’s probably the worst story I’ve read all week. I feel horrible now and I didn’t do anything.
Dogs deserve better people.
I don’t know whether to hate someone who does this, or pity them. This was painful to read, and I can’t even imagine how she feels about it. Even after everything she’s written, I had no idea she was THAT much of a bitch.
I demand an update on the christmas kitten.
http://www.violentacres.com/archives/296/the-christmas-spirit
(Damn… The intro was more cleverly self-contradicting with the few posts from this year, than my last long reply. Props for that. She does math, I guess.)
It’s just a dog.
Oh give me a fuckin break from the “Oh noo, i would never do that to a dog, oh noo, how cruel, oh woe is me” crap. Read through what V went through trying to keep that dog. The mess, all that repeated destruction. Put yourself in her shoes when you opened the door to your apartment and found the mess she described. All your belongings, things of value gone to the garbage can..don’t tell me you angels would have taken it with so softly, and felt no rage at all. Hell, that dog acted worse than a new born. You’d have your lid blown long ago and would have snapped that dog’s head yourself.
Everyone makes mistakes in a state of rage/exhaustion so spare me your tear-shedding comments
@8
The comic V is referring to can be found here:
http://www.myroidtypecomics.com/otherpics/eatyoureyes.jpg
I’m not sure how a reference is funny, but I’m not the audience.
I am the only one who thinks that V has probably done worse than this? She intentionally let’s people real end her without remorse but feels bad for getting rid of a destructive dog.
We all pay penance in some way for our actions.
Every. Single. One. Of. Us.
Whether we like to admit it or not.
If this stops someone from getting that Easter bunny, puppy, kitten, or some other pet, then at least Sandler didn’t die in vain, like the countless others that have silently disappeared.
No one ever tells us about the care and training needed to raise and take care of a pet, and the potential results if its not done properly. Parents and PSAs may give a warning, but it generally doesn’t hold much weight until you’ve tried it.
That’s one of my pet peeves (no pun intended), including people having kids irresponsibly, but at least kids get some protection. Part of the reason I love seeing people with well taken care of pets and kids.
Too bad people will always want pets even though they don’t want responsibility, but I guess that’s life. And hopefully they’d live and learn.
You idiots saying she was ok in doing what she did need to wake up and I hope you never get a dog. At least she sees the wrong in what she did.
“It’s just a dog.”
Dogs don’t deserve to be treated like that. Why do people deserve to be treated better?
“Oh give me a fuckin break from the “Oh noo, i would never do that to a dog, oh noo, how cruel, oh woe is me” crap. Read through what V went through trying to keep that dog. The mess, all that repeated destruction. Put yourself in her shoes when you opened the door to your apartment and found the mess she described. All your belongings, things of value gone to the garbage can..don’t tell me you angels would have taken it with so softly, and felt no rage at all. Hell, that dog acted worse than a new born. You’d have your lid blown long ago and would have snapped that dog’s head yourself.
Everyone makes mistakes in a state of rage/exhaustion so spare me your tear-shedding comments”
That is what happens when you NEGLECT a dog. A dog is a commitment and if you are willing to put in the training and effort needed to stop this behavior then don’t get a dog. The dog did not deserve that. She could have made the attempt to find the dog a suitable home, not just kick him out and send him to his death because of her own shortcomings as a pet owner.
I can honestly say I would not do the same thing. I have a dog who chews the carpet at times(they make sprays to stop that, makes it taste bad). I keep things out of her reach and taught her the meaning of no. I also know not to get a huge lab to live in my small apartment.
What Blu said - theres a similar story in my youth that I would give anything to undo, but of course I can’t. The best we can do is make sure we do right by the guys we have now and help as many others as we can.
#10 Wolfyx: Destructive dog… A dog behaves exactly how you train it. If I see a dog pulling the leash and the owner doesn’t do anything, he/she should not own a dog. The dog most likely don’t get it itself, but the owner should teach the dog not to pull. For the owner’s and for the dog’s comfort. I have grown up in the middle of dogs, so I cannot objectively say that V’s animal torture is understandable, and that she was just young and naive - but she’s all responsible now. I cannot, since even as a teenager I could not concider getting a pet without properly training it. I see you do not realize this. Please, do me a favour. Do not get an untrained pet nor reproduce without giving the child to adoption. Better for the world.
#11 Myroid: Um… What? What are you refering to now? I wasn’t talking about comics. I just want to know what happens to the kitten she got to her friend for christmas. I concider V partly responsible for the kitten’s fate.
Geez. You people are so hypocritical. It’s obvious V’s remorseful for what she did so get over yourselves and quit throwing stones. You may have never harmed an animal, but you’ve most certainly done something in your lifetime that you wish you could take back - unless you’re a god.
what she is saying is if you have to leave a dog in all day you should not have one.
She got the dog for the wrong reasons without thinking of the consequences but heck she was only 18 and trying to make her way in the world without help from anyone, something not many people would be capable of doing.
My first dog is the one I have now and I was 45 before I got her as until then I worked complete days and thats not fair to a dog if it has not got an outside run
what she did was horrible and I am sure that anything anybody writes about her will not be as bad as she feels about it herself
At least she feels guilty about the treatment of this dog, many people mistreat animals and don’t give it a second thought, do you think her mother had a second thought about the cat she kicked over the road?
My response wasn’t really against V. She knows what she did was wrong and feels remorseful. It is to these idiots who are posting that what she did was ok. Especially Wolfyx for basically saying the dog deserved it.
Sami: What the fuck is wrong with a dog pulling the leash? I have walked probably a dozen different dogs belonging to my friends’, and not one of them didn’t pull at the leash. They were all well-loved and well cared for, but apparently they should all be seeking new homes because OH GOD they pull at the leash.
#21 Chelsey: Absolutely nothing is wrong with a dog pulling the leash. You are right. Completely well behaving dogs those are.
Teaching the dog how to behave is a part of loving the dog. Of course every dog pull the leash before it is properly trained, and it is the responsibility of the owner to correct the dog. (Repeating myself here. And why the heck am I defending educating dogs?) Not only it makes the dog’s life easier when it understands that pulling will not make the master walk faster and without pulling the leash around the NECK doesn’t hurt so much, but it also makes YOUR life easier.
In my personal opinion (if I am entitled to one. (Martyrism 101)) is that a person who doesn’t even bother to teach the dog not to pull the leash probably doesn’t care about educating the dog further, regardless how much that person “loves” the dog. And in my personal opinion that person should not own a dog, nor have a child or anything else living, except maybe a cactus.
But if you do have an adult dog already and it is not menace to surroundings, and it has only some minor misbehaviours, such as pulling the leash, I wouldn’t recommend changing the owner at that point. Canines are pack animals and that owner is the leader of that pack. Keep it that way.
Now a nice reply: Opinions are like [insert something very snappy here]
This dredged up a similar experience of my own, suffice to say I’ve done my self-flagellation down the years just like V and finally realised what an empty and useless thing my self-indulgent wallowing in guilt was. In latter years I’ve set about trying to ‘compensate’ for my wrongdoing by getting actively involved with animal protection agencies. It can’t undo what I did but beating myself up about it is hardly going to undo it either. Accept it, get over it, move on and try to do better in future.
V - I have a teenage son who is a freshman in college. When the majority of kids are that age, they just aren’t the most circumspect people. My son is a wonderful, generous person who sometimes makes hasty decisions that hurt other people. When I was 18, 19, 20, I did things that were inconsiderate and unkind - things I would never dream of doing now - simply because I was too self-absorbed to think things through. I look back and wonder what thought process could have allowed me to behave that way, and I realize that I probably wasn’t thinking too much at all.
A friend and I purchased a kitten for our house (of 12 girls) when I was in college, despite the fact that pets were not allowed, before we consulted anyone, and before we asked if anyone in the house was allergic. Two girls were. The cat went to live with one girl’s boyfriend. His roomates fed the poor cat beer and pot smoke and dyed her fur. We took the cat back and kept her away from the girls who were allergic, but I don’t remember ever feeding her properly, or cleaning her litter box. I am sure she was cared for, but not well. At Thanksgiving, one of the girls took the cat home to her family’s farm, but I don’t know how well she handled the change.
Now I have three cats and I can’t imagine how I could have been so neglectfully cruel to a living thing. I guess we grow up and hopefully we do so before we make a lot of terrible mistakes.
Not that someone will notice, but I thought about my comment and realised, that I only said that because I don’t know any dogs personally. I think of them as pets - fish for me.
Nicole, be less of a bitch. I didn’t SAY what she did was OK, i only pointed out the circumstances she was in..you all seem to forget about that in your comments.
Yes a dog behaves exactly how you train it, but she was not the one that came up with the idea to get a dog, and adding school + a job, that makes it kinda hard to have time to spend with the thing and train it into behaving right.
So you can stop snapping at me k? I’m not trying to defend her but i also disagree with some half wit comments from people who may’ve never gone through what she did, and start criticising like hypocrits
We all have things that we will never forgive ourselves for (or people capable of self-reflection do). Kicking the shit out of yourself for the rest of your life will not change anything. The best you can do is resolve to learn from it and be a better person in the future.
As entertaining as your site is, it’s shit penance. It would be far more useful to volunteer for some charity organization or even start one of your own. I like your writing and what little I can see of you in it but you put harm in the world. The only way to truly make up for it is to spend time helping, not telling stories about it.
You know, I read somewhere that without animals, humans have nothing to measure there compassion by. I.e there is no humanity without animals. Or something. I find it interesting that animals are the subject of so much vitriol. Not really the subject, but people get downright nasty to each other when they talk about pets etc. Why don’t we stop arguing?
#26 Wolfyx: Not meaning to get mental on you. I wouldn’t condemn V otherwise, as it was her housemate who got the idea of getting a dog in the first place. But as I recall, V didn’t refuse, but said something like:
“[Expletive deleted] then, let’s go get a dog!”
(Now you can relax. The rest is just general rambling.)
I’ve never been in a situation where I had to kick a living creature out because I didn’t want it anymore. I actually feel awkward to buy any living thing. Stray-ones I may feed and clean, but won’t keep in if they want to leave. I won’t kill even a housefly in my home - too much work. I rather have a spider in a corner - nature’s fly-swatters. Mosquitos, yes, as they won’t leave me alone. And fruit-flies in my kitchen if I need to cook.
Usually I try not to take stray-dogs inside for too long, as stray-dogs may get attached. Better to let them go when they still want to go. I rather see a stray dog wandering in the country-side (if they don’t bother chicken or any other farm animals - and couple of stray ones won’t mess up the forest’s balance) than in a cage waiting for the needle. In the last country I was living in, I was staying at the countryside. We had a small pack of stray-dogs, different breed, size and color ones, that came every now and then visiting us. To eat and play a bit. Couple of the most dirty ones we washed, too. One jackrussel looking and sized, but ’smiled’ like a dalmatian was the brave one. Came in first - I guess to introduce. And the rest were following. But they never stayed that long. At the moment I live in a city, so won’t take in a stray dog now, as I would have to claim it for meself and I’m against having space-requiring pets in a city. Me no like. (Selective good samaritan?)
Last animal at our place was some sort of gray (not radiating, but the color) parakeet who was screaming outside our balcony when it was too cold for him. I let him stay at our place keeping warm for a while, when no-one claimed him. Dierenambulance (animal ‘rescue’ in Holland) said they can come to help us - to snap the parakeet’s neck if we can’t do it. WTF?! We wanted that the bird gets a home, not to kill it!
I never had a bird before and after talking with the dierenambulance guys I had no idea what to do. I don’t know how to take care of a bird. He ate fruits and seeds, though. Beans and cookies didn’t go down that well. Polly didn’t want a cracker? I trust the animal knows what he wants to eat, so I only offer. Had to teach him to sit still on my shoulder and not walk on my keyboard, though. I’m sure my moving fingers are interesting, but don’t walk on the friggin’ Enter key. Maybe I should’ve kept him and get a cage.
There’s actually red-ringed parrot (the green ones) colonies all around the World. I think perhaps in Central Park, NY, USA and San Francisco, USA, there is colonies maybe, but at least in Amsterdam and London they live and breed just fine. So I wasn’t too worried about that animal.
comments are a nice and new touch. Been reading for awhile, began as an ‘accident gawker’, “OMG I can’t believe she’s SAYING this!” while secretly loving the shock. This story was a good one.
I won’t tell you you are brave.
I won’t tell you you are not a monster.
I won’t even tell you you are not like your mother.
Fact is, we’re all cowards sometimes. We all have a monster hiding in our souls. We all carry our parents with us in everything we do.
What scares and agers and attracts and titillates most is that you are honest enough to admit it, and call bullshit on those who aren’t.
I won’t even tell you you’re forgiven or forgivable. I don’t think anyone needs to be told that and you don’t either.
You’re a big girl now.
I might add that no family has any business purchasing any pet of any kind to try to ‘teach the kids responsibility’. Placing a defenseless animal into the hands of any child is a most horrible kind of death. I know. I’ve done it. And there, you’ve seen a glimpse of my own monster lurking in the shadows. ;o)
Peace and God Bless
CA
This is amusing.
This is a learning opportunity for everyone who thinks they want a dog and how to determine who they should purchase a puppy from. It’s important to find a breeder who is dedicated to producing healthy happy dogs. Very few people make a profit breeding dogs when they do it well, and for the right reasons.
My husband and I are small hobby breeders of only one breed … We are RESPONSIBLE breeders. We were told about this blog because someone who purchased a puppy from us and who has kept in touch with us more than 10 years, was so moved by what happened to Sandler.
Unfotunately this is not the first time we’ve heard similiar stories. Of course it is a horrible thing for someone to do, but a portion of the responsibility lies with the breeder/seller of Sandler.
Responsible breeders question the reason why someone wants a puppy, they investigate the living conditions before someone brings the puppy home, they promise to be a resource for the buyer if there are problems AND most importantly, they will require that the puppy be returned to them AT ANY time if the owner can’t cope. Had Sandlers breeders been more responsible, this tragedy may not have happened.
Buying a puppy should never be like buying a couch.
Please support responsible breeders by buying your family pet from people that …
1). show to AKC championships proving the quality of their stock. People will say that championships are not important if they only want a pet, but it shows the breeders commitment to their breed in general, not that they just happen to have a male/female of the same breed.
2). test their dogs genetic health with the proper screening for their breed. hips/elbows/eyes/cardiac/thyroid/knees … etc.
3). evaluate HONESTLY the temperament of their stock - personality including separation anxiety issues are 75% genetic, not just environment.
4). sell their puppies on contracts, including spay/neuter contracts and limited registrations
5). members of breed/all breed/ and National breed clubs
6). can recite the history, purpose and standard for their breed.
7). willing to share positive AND negatives about the breed.
8). raise their puppies to be the best they can be by stressing socialization.
Or rescue a dog like Sandler from a shelter.
Thanks,
EAMTFD
Steven Wright said, “A clear conscience is the first sign of memory loss.” That is for all of the jugemental ones. It is amazing that other commentators visciously and cruelly attack V’s lack of compassion for Sandler at the time. Fighting fire with fire? If you advocate compassion, then do so compassionately. You can’t beat the hate out of someone.
Forgiveness and Atonement are the ultimate weapons to defeat evil. Evil thoughts attempt to lead us into suffering all of the time. With forgiveness and atonement, evil has to start all over again and with less of an advantage.
I want to thank V for sharing such a stark and honest story. It touched me deeply.
What would I have done in similar circumstances? Depends on when. Right now with 40 plus years of experience under my belt, I am confident my response would have been more noble.
When I was eightteen? With my wild temper and lack of impulse control at that age, my response would probably have been significantly more cruel than V’s.
-From the Ravings of the Psychomancer
There is a comment proclaiming her to be just short of the anti-christ, a big bitch, a horrible person because of something she did years ago.
Did they miss the part where she said she was a teenager when she did it?
Did they miss the part where she said she knows what she did then was wrong?
Did they miss the part where she feels so bad about what she did that she found herself in avoidance mode even trying to write it in an annon. blog?
How about the very clear message where she clearly would never do anything like this again?
What exactly is the take home message here? That we will ALWAYS be the same person we were at 18? Or is it that if we did do something we regret, we should bury it deep inside us and never admit to it?
What a screwed up sense of priority someone must have to castigate someone for owning up to something bad they did, taking personal responsibility for something that was obviously painful to remember and talking about it out loud instead of admiring the personal strength it takes to look into those dark corners and learn from our regrets instead of wallowing in self pity and making excuses for all the reasons it was not her ‘fault’.
Gaaa… sometimes the internet gives me hope for humanity and then other times it points out how judgmental, petty and small minded some people can be.
#34 Kate:
I tortured, killed and ate a baby. But I was a teenager back then and I know now it was wrong. Am I forgiven? Is it all ok?
Fouling up YOUR life when you are a teenager is fine by me. Go for it. Cut yourself today to see if you can still feel.
Fouling up anyone else’s life when you are a teenager is not ok. Not acceptable. Yes, you can repent, but the living creature who’s life you destroyed can’t feel the same.
There is a difference.
Or is there? Torturing an animal is a bad thing, but still can be forgiven, since the value of the life of an animal can be measured in dollars?
Can you feel empathy towards non-humans?
As an omnivore I would’ve understood if she would’ve eaten the dog, but a complete waste is just plain wrong. It would be hypocritical for me to say that all killing of animals is wrong. I accept killing for your needs. Hunting for food = good. Sports hunting = bad. Killing a suffering animal = good. Killing an animal because you are too lazy to tech the animal = very bad.
Teenager or not, when you get past magical thinking and you can differenciate between living things and non-living things, you should not do this.
Sami -
I see a lot of different concepts being all mixed up in your statement and you have put a lot of words into my keyboard. I never once stated anything about whether or not something makes something else ‘ok’… I never once stated anything about forgiveness…
Yet you insult my intelligence by building those strawman and then burn them to argue against something else I did not say… I never said she should not have done this this.
I am not sure if you did not take the time to read what I actually said or if you are just so emotionally charged over the issue that you can not see past it, but let me try to clear it up a little.
Does she hold personal responsibility for what she did? Absolutely… as she tell us she does.
Is this something that (as you said) “Teenager or not, when you get past magical thinking and you can differentiate between living things and non-living things, you should not do this.”
Absolutely… as she tell us in her own words.
Does ‘repenting’ from doing evil make it ‘all better’ or make a difference to the ‘creature’ that you did it to? Absolutely not… and you are the only one claiming she (or I) say it is.
So what is it I really did say…
What I said is that the person we are now is not the person we were then. A claim that she IS a bitch because she WAS a bitch is a claim that people are not capable of learning, of growing, of changing. If that is true, then lets just give the death penalty to anyone who ever does anything wrong once they are past the age of ‘magical thinking’… since, by your logic, they can never be more than that mistake, why bother keeping them alive?
If you killed and ate a baby when you were a teenager and in the past 10 years you have come to truly understand how horrible that was, you are still accountable for the harm you cause at that time and should be held as such. But that does not mean that the person you are NOW is the same horrible person you were then. That just means that you will now be paying for the mistake you made then.
You throw around the concept of forgiveness as if that is something any of us can ‘give’ her … no one can give her any forgiveness since none of us are the ones she wronged.
So she is still responsible for her actions, but there is absolutely nothing she can do to change the outcome. She can not fix it for that creature, but perhaps by telling the story, she can help someone else not make the same choice… perhaps the learning she has done from that episode have influenced decisions in her life so that she did more ‘good’ than she would have otherwise. We have no way of knowing that.
I do not presume to say I know who deserves to be ‘forgiven’ and who does not … forgiveness is not my job or pervue. I do feel very strongly that people are responsible for their past actions as well as their present. But that does not stop me from understanding that people change and grow.
And when someone decides to take personal responsibility, even when it shows the darker sides to their past, instead of pretending they never made these mistakes, I can feel some empathy for them. Even some respect for the maturity that takes… and none of that means that I lack empathy for non-human animals…
In case all of that is not clear, let me put it in brief form.
I do not feel that she has no responsibility for the choices she made. I simply do not feel that someone should be considered a bitch for something they did 15 (or so) years ago at an age that is 5-10 years before their brain is even physically finished forming. Unless they currently do not think they did anything wrong… but that is not the case or this conversation would not even be happening.
Responsible, you’re right. Pets are not belongings, they’re living things. If someone isn’t responsible enough for a child, they’re probably going to find a dog a burden, too. People often have the same unrealistic expectations for pets that they do for relationships and children, which is why they’re meant for responsible people who are prepared to work at it.
I agree that the breeder/seller had some responsibility. Even a brief lesson on animal care or a book on crate training might have saved that dog’s life. It can head off the rationalizations people make when they do things like this.
I too have terrible guilt towards an animal even though my story is nowhere near as tragic as that one. Just one night of carelessness and a friendly cat paid for it with his life.
It is not something you ever ‘get over’ and it is never ‘just a dog’. You don’t have to know an animal personally to feel compassion for a life that you took responsibility for.
My boyfriend said it best:
“I would give up ever having a pet if it meant no one else could have one either.”