Back in the 70s, my mother predicted that the trend toward permissive parenting (Self-Esteem Police) and the new “open classroom” style of education would lead to a self-absorbed, dysfunctional generation of adults. Boy, was she right! And I wish she were here to read your article. You hit the nail on the head.

Glad I discovered your website!

…other than that:
i liked this one, although agree that the internet didn’t really break anyone’s social skills - it has been that way for a while, and the internet has actually helped some people reach out of that loneliness that is so plaguing us (crap like myspace tends to help teens feel not as alone..etc)

now for the ‘how are you’…
there are two types of them, the polite ones and the real ones.

i work in the service industry, and often it’s me being polite. however i have also built relationships that go beyond casual interaction, but not up to the friend levels - and i do care to hear the answer. i don’t feel it’s rude, just like i don’t think it’s rude to hold the door for someone.
“how are you’ has become common courtesy, and is a greeting of sorts - just because it’s been borrowed from an actual sentence doesn’t negate the evolution of the phrase into what it has become.

the daily use and application of words change, and these three have become something other than originally intended…which is fine to be pissed about, but at least understanding that small thing may make you pissed at the people more than the words themselves…
(and to not freak out at me if i greet you with a ‘hi, how are you?’…)
:)

those blinders must make it tough to navigate…

I think this is some forced attempt by society to make itself care, and - obviously - has resulted in exactly the opposite. Namely, stressing and displaying when one doesn’t care at all. If you want to know how I’m doing, ask me how I’m doing. If you just want to say “hi”, say, well, “hi”. If you want to say “hi” and be polite about it, say a compliment. No, you don’t have to lie, it doesn’t take much work to find something good about the other person to comment on. If it does, then drop the polite part and go back to just saying “hi”. Really not that difficult, is it?

P.S. as for Dooce, i dont read that bitch blog, and maybe I dont have a sense of humor. Though I had suspicion you pulled on Dooce.

I have always _hated_ the “How are you doing?” question. Another popular variant is, “What’s up?” The second you really get into answering that question you see their eyes glazing over, they don’t *really* want to know “what’s up,” they’re just saying “Hi!”

I really love this paragraph, you did a great job expressing the idea:

“Some people believe simply asking is being polite. You can thank the Self Esteem Police for those people. I’m sorry, but putting forth the least amount of effort doesn’t win you any courtesy points in my book. Taking 5 seconds out of your day to slow down and actually show interest in the answer is polite. Asking a question merely because you want recognition for your condescending form of pseudo-caring is actually pretty rude.”

God, here’s another great one:

“If you want people to care about you, you should care about them.
If you lack the ability to do that, then grab your prescription for prozac and shut the fuck up already.”

I only have one problem with what you said, and that’s your decision to “blame the Internet.” That’s a cop-out and you know it. There are plenty of examples contrary to what you’re saying where the internet can play an active role in improving people’s ability to socialize, I know it’s hard to believe when you read the comments on just about any website, but I can honestly say that if it were not for the internet, I would not be as effective in debating with people and getting them to see things from my point of view. Likewise, the comments that people make about people’s blogs provide them with feedback, that if interpreted in the right way, can help them produce better quality posts. For example, take your final paragraph:

“(By the way, no one else thought it was hilariously ironic yesterday when I pulled a Dooce? Either you people have no sense of humor, or I’m just not that funny. I’m putting my money on the latter.)”

About yesterday’s blog, yeah it wasn’t funny. Quit focusing on Dooce and mommybloggers. No one else does.

Perhaps your long-winded friend has a low Social IQ. Experiments have proven that dumb people are completely unable to recognize their own incompetence - even when shown their poor performance in relation to the peer group. I’m too damn lazy or I’d track it down to post here.

I’d have to take the exact opposite side of the “How are you?” example. The person asking is being polite. The random acquaintance who thinks it’s acceptable to promptly spill out all their daily problems in response is the one who’s not courteous. I don’t care about all the petty shit that’s stressing you out, so just say fine and let’s move on to something else. As a matter of fact this is usually the same person I talked about above. Maybe my empathy-bag is a little smaller than V’s angry-bag.