VA: How the Me-Generation Ruined Modern Conversation
May 2nd, 2007
(8 votes, average: 3.88 out of 5)
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When I wrote my article on depression, a lot of people went into pointlessly long lectures about the difference between clinical depression and sadness. They needn’t have done this; I […]
Original post: How the Me-Generation Ruined Modern Conversation
Today entry explains why I constantly want to slap people. Happiness to me would be able to slap every person that says or does something stupid. I have a feeling that would be all the exercise I would ever need.
“(By the way, no one else thought it was hilariously ironic yesterday when I pulled a Dooce?)”
I think Caller from the Mr. Obvious Show said it best:
“Huh. I never made the connection.”
Or it could be because none of us are pathetic enough to read Dooce. I read that blog once and felt like my brain was melting.
Oh and touche on the whole self obsessed generation thing. I’m 22 and I’ve had the startlingly amazing self esteem of a drag queen since I was 5 years old.
Extremely well written V. I don’t read Dooce so I never made the connection. Due to the fact that there has already been at least one call for my banishment since my return, that will be all for now. Have a nice May.
“(By the way, no one else thought it was hilariously ironic yesterday when I pulled a Dooce? Either you people have no sense of humor, or I’m just not that funny. I’m putting my money on the latter.)”
I didn’t catch that. That’s because Dooce’s blog fukcing sucks and isn’t worth reading.
Good read on today’s post though. But I disagree with the point you made when you say that if someone asks you how you’re feeling and if you say terrible, the person says good to hear. Maybe I’m just lucky to have friends who actually care, as naive as that sounds, but at times when I did say I’m doing terrible, they seemed genuinely interested in why. Maybe they’re just good at faking it.
I’m constantly surprised at how many (i.e. most) people who can’t cut the bullshit and just give the straight talk. Even when I ask them to say only the core message, they restart with a lot of empty talk before any trace of content.
If they can’t cut the bullshit from their own talk, how should they be able to see that they don’t give anything back and that they waste the other persons time, and that they don’t have a relationship but only a onemanship?
(but the ‘net is just a outlet/media, it’s not the cause - problem existed long before)
Well, I didn’t get the Dooce reference because I don’t read her. See the below brain melting comment.
Funny you should mention this today though. I was having a conversation earlier that basically said very similar things. I would love to see the world learn how to listen, process and respond properly. Unfortunately the world today wants to skim your conversation and that doesn’t work as well in voice over air as it does in text over screen.
Er, the above brain melting comment, rather.
I’d have to say that was a steaming mound of…pointlessly long lecturing. There’s been ’something wrong with this new generation’ for as long as there’s been predictions of the world coming to an end or music that isn’t as good as it was in the ‘old days.’
Perhaps your long-winded friend has a low Social IQ. Experiments have proven that dumb people are completely unable to recognize their own incompetence - even when shown their poor performance in relation to the peer group. I’m too damn lazy or I’d track it down to post here.
I’d have to take the exact opposite side of the “How are you?” example. The person asking is being polite. The random acquaintance who thinks it’s acceptable to promptly spill out all their daily problems in response is the one who’s not courteous. I don’t care about all the petty shit that’s stressing you out, so just say fine and let’s move on to something else. As a matter of fact this is usually the same person I talked about above. Maybe my empathy-bag is a little smaller than V’s angry-bag.
Agree with everything here, V. Another thought-out, well-written essay.
About yesterday’s blog, yeah it wasn’t funny. Quit focusing on Dooce and mommybloggers. No one else does.
You know what V, I just *knew* you were going to come right back out and slap these fools with an incredibly insightful and worthwhile post as you’ve always done. The past couple of posts by you were slightly “meh”–not really much to comment about–but I just had this gut feeling that you were biding your time, throwing a few pennies our way to keep the idiots temporarily mollified while you cooked up another classic post, and indeed you did not disappoint!
I have always _hated_ the “How are you doing?” question. Another popular variant is, “What’s up?” The second you really get into answering that question you see their eyes glazing over, they don’t *really* want to know “what’s up,” they’re just saying “Hi!”
I really love this paragraph, you did a great job expressing the idea:
“Some people believe simply asking is being polite. You can thank the Self Esteem Police for those people. I’m sorry, but putting forth the least amount of effort doesn’t win you any courtesy points in my book. Taking 5 seconds out of your day to slow down and actually show interest in the answer is polite. Asking a question merely because you want recognition for your condescending form of pseudo-caring is actually pretty rude.”
God, here’s another great one:
“If you want people to care about you, you should care about them.
If you lack the ability to do that, then grab your prescription for prozac and shut the fuck up already.”
I only have one problem with what you said, and that’s your decision to “blame the Internet.” That’s a cop-out and you know it. There are plenty of examples contrary to what you’re saying where the internet can play an active role in improving people’s ability to socialize, I know it’s hard to believe when you read the comments on just about any website, but I can honestly say that if it were not for the internet, I would not be as effective in debating with people and getting them to see things from my point of view. Likewise, the comments that people make about people’s blogs provide them with feedback, that if interpreted in the right way, can help them produce better quality posts. For example, take your final paragraph:
“(By the way, no one else thought it was hilariously ironic yesterday when I pulled a Dooce? Either you people have no sense of humor, or I’m just not that funny. I’m putting my money on the latter.)”
I can tell you that i AM fucking lonely, and yes, i`m raised by Self Esteem Police, and really can survive the loneliness, as long as I get enough sex, money, feedback for my public work.
Yeah, a friend of mine can also talk for hours and explain deep impacts of astronomy, microbiology, etc. as long as I keep telling “mhm… yes..”, but there are much worse friends that just complain all the time how bad their life is (money), so I better listen to that astronomy shit.
When I went to school exchange to London, we had courses about their culture. I can absolutely aggree that the phrase “How do you do” is the rudest shit one can say. If you want to say “Hi!” or “Hello!” then say it, its not polite to ask “How do you do” and walk straight away cause literally its a fucking question!
Some friends say that i`m rude, cause I never ask anyone “how are you” and crap like that. They say I should ask just for politeness, otherwise I`m rude and don`t show interest. For God`s sake, sure I dont care! I`m egoistic! I`m raised by the Self Esteem Police! Got it? I will print it on my T-Shirt, LOL.
P.S. as for Dooce, i dont read that bitch blog, and maybe I dont have a sense of humor. Though I had suspicion you pulled on Dooce.
It’s stupid to ask if you care about the answer, and it’s rude to ask and then show that you don’t care when/if the person answers. Period.
I think this is some forced attempt by society to make itself care, and - obviously - has resulted in exactly the opposite. Namely, stressing and displaying when one doesn’t care at all. If you want to know how I’m doing, ask me how I’m doing. If you just want to say “hi”, say, well, “hi”. If you want to say “hi” and be polite about it, say a compliment. No, you don’t have to lie, it doesn’t take much work to find something good about the other person to comment on. If it does, then drop the polite part and go back to just saying “hi”. Really not that difficult, is it?
you seriously think that she was “pulling a dooce”?
those blinders must make it tough to navigate…
Bad Mennonite -
the thing about you quoting IQ experiments about dumb people not knowing they’re dumb is only slightly more funny than recognizing that most people believe they’re smarter than they actually are… and that smarter people tend to think they’re dumber than they are.
…other than that:
i liked this one, although agree that the internet didn’t really break anyone’s social skills - it has been that way for a while, and the internet has actually helped some people reach out of that loneliness that is so plaguing us (crap like myspace tends to help teens feel not as alone..etc)
now for the ‘how are you’…
there are two types of them, the polite ones and the real ones.
i work in the service industry, and often it’s me being polite. however i have also built relationships that go beyond casual interaction, but not up to the friend levels - and i do care to hear the answer. i don’t feel it’s rude, just like i don’t think it’s rude to hold the door for someone.
“how are you’ has become common courtesy, and is a greeting of sorts - just because it’s been borrowed from an actual sentence doesn’t negate the evolution of the phrase into what it has become.
the daily use and application of words change, and these three have become something other than originally intended…which is fine to be pissed about, but at least understanding that small thing may make you pissed at the people more than the words themselves…
(and to not freak out at me if i greet you with a ‘hi, how are you?’…)
:)
if you think the “me” generation is conversationally afflicted, you should try talking to high school students.
I seriously thought they were glue huffers at first. They couldn’t make eye contact or finish a complete sentence without ten seconds of “uhhhhhh” . They seriously worry me. an entire generation is looking to be socially retarded.
-to the author
hey i dont write much online but i just stumbleupond this and i wanted to say something. you make a really good points consistantly and i found it really cool to notice the same things i notice that bother me sitting right here on a screen. the way you delivered it seems a bit too vindicated but thats just me, but then again noones gonna understand unless you make the point clear. i agree with everything you said. im not sure what it takes but some people cant understand that whole realm of thinking and im not sure exactly what it takes to turn it on. for me it was smoking herb, the wilderness and lsd. i think the way to do it is to turn people on, one at a time, cause once your on your on.
just keep in mind that convictions are meaningless unless you act upon them. so keep working towards it man. peace
This is an excellent article. You could expand it to a book — I wish you would!
Back in the 70s, my mother predicted that the trend toward permissive parenting (Self-Esteem Police) and the new “open classroom” style of education would lead to a self-absorbed, dysfunctional generation of adults. Boy, was she right! And I wish she were here to read your article. You hit the nail on the head.
Glad I discovered your website!