Comments on: VA: Hanging the Kids Out to Dry http://www.violentacrestalk.com/va-hanging-the-kids-out-to-dry/ violentacres.com feedback site Mon, 01 Dec 2008 19:09:29 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.5 By: Xin http://www.violentacrestalk.com/va-hanging-the-kids-out-to-dry/#comment-9746 Xin Sat, 09 Feb 2008 13:57:05 +0000 http://www.violentacrestalk.com/va-hanging-the-kids-out-to-dry/#comment-9746 I find it interesting how much Child Abuse must be going on in the world. I'm certain I've had better situations than most, but when you're abused (at least in my situation), I felt I was not worthy of my parents love and affection. I felt that I am doing something wrong. I shouldn't argue with my siblings, I need to share my belongings, I need to eat everything on my plate, I can't drink until the end of my meal, I have to keep my room clean, I need to be quiet when adults are talking, etc. If I didn't do those things, I would get punished. Although I'm 39 now, I can never shake these memories, and the conditioning from my mind -- it will be a part of my personality for the rest of my life. However, now that I have a child of my own, I have vowed to be the exact opposite of my parents! My child knows encouragement, love, security, knowledge, and creativity. In closing, I can relate to your message VA. I'm sorry if I always think you're a tough cookie, and can always be a bitch... but I've kind of built you up in my mind as that type of person from reading your work. Indeed this is new territory to read from you, and keep up your message to the world (so-to-speak). I find it interesting how much Child Abuse must be going on in the world. I’m certain I’ve had better situations than most, but when you’re abused (at least in my situation), I felt I was not worthy of my parents love and affection. I felt that I am doing something wrong. I shouldn’t argue with my siblings, I need to share my belongings, I need to eat everything on my plate, I can’t drink until the end of my meal, I have to keep my room clean, I need to be quiet when adults are talking, etc. If I didn’t do those things, I would get punished. Although I’m 39 now, I can never shake these memories, and the conditioning from my mind — it will be a part of my personality for the rest of my life. However, now that I have a child of my own, I have vowed to be the exact opposite of my parents! My child knows encouragement, love, security, knowledge, and creativity.

In closing, I can relate to your message VA. I’m sorry if I always think you’re a tough cookie, and can always be a bitch… but I’ve kind of built you up in my mind as that type of person from reading your work. Indeed this is new territory to read from you, and keep up your message to the world (so-to-speak).

]]> By: Myrealname http://www.violentacrestalk.com/va-hanging-the-kids-out-to-dry/#comment-9705 Myrealname Fri, 08 Feb 2008 15:31:43 +0000 http://www.violentacrestalk.com/va-hanging-the-kids-out-to-dry/#comment-9705 I've tried to do this before, on my own blog. I wasn't aware that one of my abusers had actually found my blog online and had been lurking for a long while. When I wrote a story about the abuse I experienced, he left a comment and all those scared, helpless feelings came rushing back, and it's been more than 20 years. I've not written another word about it since, but I think I'll start today. What I would like to share is this: Of all the beatings and sexual abuse, one of my most vivid memories is of my brother's 7th birthday. I was 5. My mother asked him what he wanted for his birthday and he said he wanted to go to a local drive-through animal park, but didn't want his sister to go. I am and always have been an avid animal lover, even when I was 5, but she took him and left me at my grandmother's house. When I cried and said I wanted to see the buffalo too, she said it wasn't my birthday and I couldn't go because it's bubby's special day and I would just ruin it and no one would have any fun. I spent the day with my grandmother, and I didn't get hit or belittled all day, but I can still remember my confusion and heart-break at being left behind. I haven't spoken to my mother since I was 23, it's been 10 years. I was still trying to win her love up until then. Now I don't care and my whole family wonders why, even my brother. I’ve tried to do this before, on my own blog. I wasn’t aware that one of my abusers had actually found my blog online and had been lurking for a long while. When I wrote a story about the abuse I experienced, he left a comment and all those scared, helpless feelings came rushing back, and it’s been more than 20 years. I’ve not written another word about it since, but I think I’ll start today.

What I would like to share is this: Of all the beatings and sexual abuse, one of my most vivid memories is of my brother’s 7th birthday. I was 5. My mother asked him what he wanted for his birthday and he said he wanted to go to a local drive-through animal park, but didn’t want his sister to go. I am and always have been an avid animal lover, even when I was 5, but she took him and left me at my grandmother’s house. When I cried and said I wanted to see the buffalo too, she said it wasn’t my birthday and I couldn’t go because it’s bubby’s special day and I would just ruin it and no one would have any fun. I spent the day with my grandmother, and I didn’t get hit or belittled all day, but I can still remember my confusion and heart-break at being left behind. I haven’t spoken to my mother since I was 23, it’s been 10 years. I was still trying to win her love up until then. Now I don’t care and my whole family wonders why, even my brother.

]]> By: Pato Lucas http://www.violentacrestalk.com/va-hanging-the-kids-out-to-dry/#comment-9703 Pato Lucas Fri, 08 Feb 2008 14:43:24 +0000 http://www.violentacrestalk.com/va-hanging-the-kids-out-to-dry/#comment-9703 This shit really hits home for me, my father was an abusive alcoholic who unleashed his inferiority complex on me. My mother is a neurotic, hysteric, mean person who basically did the same thing. All my childhood and teenager days I faced constant verbal abuse, beatings and the constant feeling that I was worthless. Even now when I screw up at work or have a bad day I hear an hysteric voice in my head telling me: "you're a worthless shit, you'll never do something in your fucking life" Wow! I feel much better now! This shit really hits home for me, my father was an abusive alcoholic who unleashed his inferiority complex on me. My mother is a neurotic, hysteric, mean person who basically did the same thing.
All my childhood and teenager days I faced constant verbal abuse, beatings and the constant feeling that I was worthless. Even now when I screw up at work or have a bad day I hear an hysteric voice in my head telling me: “you’re a worthless shit, you’ll never do something in your fucking life”
Wow! I feel much better now!

]]> By: Anonymouse http://www.violentacrestalk.com/va-hanging-the-kids-out-to-dry/#comment-9698 Anonymouse Fri, 08 Feb 2008 11:52:02 +0000 http://www.violentacrestalk.com/va-hanging-the-kids-out-to-dry/#comment-9698 I think part of the problem is that most of us are trained by society to hold a tremendous amount of respect for our mothers. The respect in and of itself isn't a bad thing (I'm ALL FOR kids showing respect, and I'm teaching mine to,) but it becomes an issue when speaking any sort of ill of ones mother makes you look, in society's eyes, like some kind of ogre. Particularly in cases of emotional abuse, where the abusive mom may appear to be an absolute ANGEL to anyone who isn't having to live inside the household. I'd tell people some of the things my mother said to me, but I highly doubt anyone would believe me - so for now I'm content to just make sure I don't repeat the cycle with her granddaughters. I think part of the problem is that most of us are trained by society to hold a tremendous amount of respect for our mothers. The respect in and of itself isn’t a bad thing (I’m ALL FOR kids showing respect, and I’m teaching mine to,) but it becomes an issue when speaking any sort of ill of ones mother makes you look, in society’s eyes, like some kind of ogre. Particularly in cases of emotional abuse, where the abusive mom may appear to be an absolute ANGEL to anyone who isn’t having to live inside the household. I’d tell people some of the things my mother said to me, but I highly doubt anyone would believe me - so for now I’m content to just make sure I don’t repeat the cycle with her granddaughters.

]]> By: Sami http://www.violentacrestalk.com/va-hanging-the-kids-out-to-dry/#comment-9693 Sami Fri, 08 Feb 2008 08:47:52 +0000 http://www.violentacrestalk.com/va-hanging-the-kids-out-to-dry/#comment-9693 Everyone's a character. Several, actually. Everyone’s a character. Several, actually.

]]> By: AJ http://www.violentacrestalk.com/va-hanging-the-kids-out-to-dry/#comment-9687 AJ Fri, 08 Feb 2008 05:20:13 +0000 http://www.violentacrestalk.com/va-hanging-the-kids-out-to-dry/#comment-9687 The thread title makes me think of some guy airing out his sweaty balls. I know the post is supposed to be serious and inspirational, but I just can't get past the title. The thread title makes me think of some guy airing out his sweaty balls. I know the post is supposed to be serious and inspirational, but I just can’t get past the title.

]]> By: Jo Momma http://www.violentacrestalk.com/va-hanging-the-kids-out-to-dry/#comment-9685 Jo Momma Fri, 08 Feb 2008 04:29:19 +0000 http://www.violentacrestalk.com/va-hanging-the-kids-out-to-dry/#comment-9685 Wow V. You're usually "just" extremely entertaining, but you've gone into ... dare I say it ... inspirational territory now. "No one will ever help those kids until you make sure everyone knows exactly what kinds of things happen." Everyone says they want to help kids that are being abused, but you know what? In general, I think people just say that shit to feel good about themselves. Everyone's looking out for the stranger in the van but no one's looking at daddy or mommy or brother or sister. I fucking hate people. I was one of "those kids", and thirty+ years later, I STILL live with the shame. Why didn't I tell someone? If I'm so smart smart, why didn't I figure that "playing doctor" with the babysitter isn't right for a five year old? I make a pledge right here and now, and I challenge everyone else to do the same: the next time someone brings up the subject, I WILL NOT BACK AWAY. As you say, V, not for a pity party but to help all those little ones who, tonight, are going to: - get punched in the face by daddy - slapped by mommy - locked up by grandma - forced to play with daddy's "special puppet" - called 'fat' or 'stupid' or 'ugly' by mommy so people, TELL SOMEONE ... even if you had a perfect childhood, tell someone what happens, don't back away from the conversation ugh i want to go vomit now Wow V. You’re usually “just” extremely entertaining, but you’ve gone into … dare I say it … inspirational territory now.

“No one will ever help those kids until you make sure everyone knows exactly what kinds of things happen.”

Everyone says they want to help kids that are being abused, but you know what? In general, I think people just say that shit to feel good about themselves. Everyone’s looking out for the stranger in the van but no one’s looking at daddy or mommy or brother or sister. I fucking hate people.

I was one of “those kids”, and thirty+ years later, I STILL live with the shame. Why didn’t I tell someone? If I’m so smart smart, why didn’t I figure that “playing doctor” with the babysitter isn’t right for a five year old?

I make a pledge right here and now, and I challenge everyone else to do the same: the next time someone brings up the subject, I WILL NOT BACK AWAY. As you say, V, not for a pity party but to help all those little ones who, tonight, are going to:
- get punched in the face by daddy
- slapped by mommy
- locked up by grandma
- forced to play with daddy’s “special puppet”
- called ‘fat’ or ’stupid’ or ‘ugly’ by mommy

so people, TELL SOMEONE … even if you had a perfect childhood, tell someone what happens, don’t back away from the conversation

ugh i want to go vomit now

]]> By: Maria http://www.violentacrestalk.com/va-hanging-the-kids-out-to-dry/#comment-9684 Maria Fri, 08 Feb 2008 04:10:10 +0000 http://www.violentacrestalk.com/va-hanging-the-kids-out-to-dry/#comment-9684 I love V. I never know what I'm going to get. But it's always something good. I love V. I never know what I’m going to get. But it’s always something good.

]]> By: Chelsey http://www.violentacrestalk.com/va-hanging-the-kids-out-to-dry/#comment-9680 Chelsey Fri, 08 Feb 2008 02:25:43 +0000 http://www.violentacrestalk.com/va-hanging-the-kids-out-to-dry/#comment-9680 God, V, we all have these moments but generally they're solved by whining to your friends and eating ice creams or something. God, V, we all have these moments but generally they’re solved by whining to your friends and eating ice creams or something.

]]> By: Viola http://www.violentacrestalk.com/va-hanging-the-kids-out-to-dry/#comment-9679 Viola Fri, 08 Feb 2008 01:33:10 +0000 http://www.violentacrestalk.com/va-hanging-the-kids-out-to-dry/#comment-9679 I've been waiting for this to go up so I can speak my words of encouragement and hope V sees them. V, Your blog inspired me to get my own story out. My childhood was not nearly fucked up as yours, but I was abused terribly. After being an avid reader for a while, I started a second blog to write down my story because, as you said, if I don't put it out there, I'll feel like I failed someone somehow. I want people to know about what happen to me. No one in my family had any idea it was going on, so I suffered alone. I continued to suffer alone, thinking this didn't happen to anyone else. More and more of these stories are surfacing, however, and in reading them along with yours, I find hope in that....As terrible as it may sound. We're not alone anymore and in this newfound strength, we can help those who are still being abused and don't have the voice or the support system to put an end to it. So thank you for speaking up and in doing so, being my inspiration. I'm doing my part to get word out and I hope others will do the same. I’ve been waiting for this to go up so I can speak my words of encouragement and hope V sees them.

V,

Your blog inspired me to get my own story out. My childhood was not nearly fucked up as yours, but I was abused terribly. After being an avid reader for a while, I started a second blog to write down my story because, as you said, if I don’t put it out there, I’ll feel like I failed someone somehow.

I want people to know about what happen to me. No one in my family had any idea it was going on, so I suffered alone. I continued to suffer alone, thinking this didn’t happen to anyone else. More and more of these stories are surfacing, however, and in reading them along with yours, I find hope in that….As terrible as it may sound. We’re not alone anymore and in this newfound strength, we can help those who are still being abused and don’t have the voice or the support system to put an end to it.

So thank you for speaking up and in doing so, being my inspiration. I’m doing my part to get word out and I hope others will do the same.

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