Loading ...My freshman year of college, I was a very busy girl. Life was a never-ending blur of professors and parties, bars and boys, forgotten work assignments and fudged time sheets. […]
Original post: All Eyes On Me
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I think this might be the most personal, revealing entry you’ve ever written, and that’s even compared to the painful entries you’ve written about your childhood. It’s so easy, isn’t it? We act a certain way and it gets the results we want, and soon it becomes scary to try anything different because we aren’t sure how people respond, what we have to lose.
I agree with the above. This entry really caught me. And I think it applies to so many other people as well — I know it does for myself.
Great witting as always V.
Everyone plays a part, it may change from one scenario to another, but we’re still playing a part.
Everyone has some image of who you are, you can decide to break, or to stick to that image.
The key is, you just need to find a part that you can play that works best for that situation, and sometimes that requires breaking the image.
And worrying about whether our lives are scripted are not is useless. If it is scripted, there’s no point in living, everything’s pre-determined already. If it isn’t scripted, on the extreme end, it’ll be pure “chaos”, where anything you do won’t determine the results. So either extremities in thinking about it renders our existence useless.
What I prefer to think is that it is pre-determined as far as the laws of nature are concerned (physics etc), but otherwise, we’re able to influence the future. The scope of influence is limited by our resources. And throw in a touch of chaos from the unknown factors.
Sounds like burn-out to me.
But I’m no doctor.
I’m still scared too, for the very same reason.
Sometimes, I wish someone would let me peek at the script at least, so I could know what direction the story is going to go; will it be comedy? Tragedy? Romance? Drama? Blood-and-Gore flick?
Or perhaps worst of all: An odd combination of everything that leaves the ending open, and the audience and actors alike are unsatisfied with the plot as a whole.
Time shall tell…
What is there to be scared about?
Are you afraid that things will not turn out the way you have wanted?
If the script is already written, there is no point worrying about it. Because no matter what you do, you can not change it. So you might as well go with the flow, and continue living life as you think you see fit.
That is of course if some script has been written that will determine the outcome of all things.
EVERYONE has their game-face on and at some time it becomes apparent to each of us that it is there. Not to worry… it’s there because we have so very much to do, so very much to accomplish.
Only age makes the script crumble… slowly, very slowly. Finally we hit the point where we realize we are just being our real selves. We don’t know when or how it happened. It just did. And we either find that we like it or not like it… we accept it gratefully or develop a new game-face.
I like it. I like being just the real me. I’ve earned it through years of hard work. I like me.
It’s a lucky bag jigsaw - which pieces of yourself do you choose to reveal to which people? Very few, if any, people know ALL there is to know about us, some know some things others know others and maybe if they all fitted their little pieces together they’d be able to make the puzzle complete but then again probably not, there’s still be the missing piece of two we’ve never shared with ANYONE. We’ve all been there when friends and family from one one of our social circles meet family and friends from another and compare notes on the YOU they claim to know and the expressed surprise “now I never knew she liked ballet and was afraid of spiders” “wow and she really fell off the table she was dancing naked on while drunk? And all these years I thought she was teetotal.”
Living up to people’s differing expectations is like putting on the appropriate clothes for a given task - suit for work, jeans for the gardening, evening gown for a formal party - we dress each individual facet of our personalities the same way. We’re afraid to break out and turn up for a business meeting in jeans or take out the garbage in an evening gown because of what ‘others’ might think. Deep down no matter how loudly we declare we don’t give a rat’s ass about other people’s opinions we really do give several rats asses about the opinion of even the bagger at the supermarket sometimes. And sometimes the need to give everyone what they think they want or expect from us when for just for a few minutes we want or need to be some other self overwhelms us hence the tears while partying or inappropriate laughter at a funeral.
Snore. But keep trying to make us care, Hol.