VA: If You Are a Stay-At-Home-Mom without Interests Outside of Your Kids, Hobbies, or Marketable Skills, You are NOT a Feminist
Aug 22nd, 2007
(24 votes, average: 3.29 out of 5)
Loading ...If one more stay-at-home-Mom tells me they are a Feminist because they chose their lives (all by themselves!), I am going to pour battery acid in my own eyes. In […]
Original post: If You Are a Stay-At-Home-Mom without Interests Outside of Your Kids, Hobbies, or Marketable Skills, You are NOT a Feminist
I am so lazy cause Im bored, and I’m bored because……. Oh gosh, I didn’t know you had ESP and could read every moms mind. Im sorry, your view on women is totally not there.
A laugh-out-loud post. Thank you V!
v you have severe mommy issues. hell you have daddy issues too. a woman choosing to dedicate her life to the raising of her children isn’t lazy. if you don’t agree with it, or don’t want to make the same choice in your life thats fine, but frankly, you seem to me like a woman who has real issues with the fact that she has no children of her own and probably a fair amount of animosity towards to the mother of her husband’s children
“There are wrong choices and there are right choices in life. Once upon a time, you had a choice to either meaningfully contribute to your community or to spend your life playing taxi driver to your kids.”
So Wanting to stay home and raise your kids instead of some inept teeny-bopper or some uncaring, indifferent 20 something at a day care center, is the wrong choice?
If you losers don’t like what VA writes, why do you read her blog? Is it that maybe you think she’s right?
It’s one thing to take a couple years off to raise your kid or only work part-time for a bit. It’s quite another to make your kids the only thing in your life, to not do anything else but raise kids.
amen! and you know, that guy who had a few points, pointed out a good one: it’s not a choice if there’s only one of them. mothers who choose to put career on hold a few years are completely different from those who claim their children are their whole life, because that’s really all they’ve ever managed to do with themselves up to that point.
and you know, unless you breed until your mid-forties and die early, there stands the chance you’ll one day find your children have moved out, and since they were your whole life, you’d be in quite a pickle then, eh? unless of course the sort of child produced from a home where they were someone’s *whole world*, turn out to be the sort of adult that lives in the basement until middle age, at least … well then everything will work out just fine.
V hates mommys because she had a horrible mommy!
Case closed!
Raising children [well] is hard work and I believe that V knows it. However, there are a lot of stay at home moms that watch 10 hours of TV a day, or seem to spend all day surfing the internet. Now, you can watch TV or surf the internet and watch your children at the same time. But guess what, you can garden and watch your children at the same time, you can be an artist (that is what my mom did,) and watch your children at the same time. There are literally thousands of things you can do at the same time as watching your children. V’s point is mainly that watching TV or surfing the internet doesn’t qualify as a doing something with your life, and just cause there is a baby in the room, it doesn’t make you any less of a loser than someone that does it without a baby in the room.
And with that, I’m going to go outside.
“Right” and “wrong” is a matter of opinion. The choices we call “right” are the ones that bring about results we are satisfied with, and “wrong” ones are those that lead to something we would wish to have avoided. So if the 19 year-old feels happier being a male prostitute than a Doctor, than that’s his right choice.
As for the feminism - V, you’re just picking on names now. A lot of people waste their lives, and feminism is about women being able to choose to waste theirs just like men are. It’s just a fancy name for a self-evident right, not a commitment to make something of your life.
Just because he made a choice that feels right to him doesn’t make it right. If not, why are people upset about pedophiles? It’s their “right choice” to fuck toddlers–they’re happier jizzing on babies than adults. Why not let them do it?
Being over-protective of your children could be considered a marketable skill…
http://www.bulletproofbaby.net
V has done it again = stirred up the hornets nets of complacency and “NOT ME!” “NOT ME!” “She’s NOT writing about ME!”
And she’s absoutely right. The USA has become a nation of people who want want want and rarely give give give. It’s all about the myopic preference of those within your immediate family - nothing else matters, it would seem.
BUT IT DOES! The old woman next door who you know is starving to death because she forgets to eat is YOUR responsibility because you know she’s starving and forgets to eat. HELP HER YORSELF WHILE YOU GO ABOUT GETTING HER SOME HELP!
It’s about taking spending some time and effort and perhaps some resources to take responsiblity for those around you who need help. It’s the American thing to do, it’s the christian thing to do, it’s the decent thing to do.
GET INVOLVED! MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER FUCKING PLACE! SET A GOOD EXAMPLE INSTEAD OF BEING A HORRIBLE REMINDER!
Right on, V! Right the fuck on!
BTW - it’s not about making choices that are right or wrong. It’s about making choices THAT MATTER to your community and your world. It’s about being less selfish and more helpful.
Jesus Christ V, isn’t it a little lonely up there on that pedestal you’ve put yourself on?
…….I’m sorry, I’ll let you get back to saving the world with your mommy blogger hatred and real estate skills
To those who just don’t get it…
Your posts (not just for this one) usually reek of not having read the entire article, much less comprehending it all. If you have done both of those things and still disagree, then great. This isn’t about you. For the rest, go find a reading comprehension course. V is far, far away from being the greatest writer, but seriously folks, she isn’t hard to follow; she isn’t Jane Austen or Nathaniel Hawthorne…
Oh Jesus you’re right, that one must have just flown way the fuck over my head….idiot
Actually, jenny984, I never passed judgment on anyone here in particular. However, I will tell you what did fly way the fuck over your head: these comments are in reply to the article; not to each other unless specified by the poster (as I just did for you).
Please note how I began with “To those who just don’t get it…” which implies I am addressing an entity made of several smaller entities.
Maybe you are one of the ones who needs a reading comprehension course…
Look Fafnir, I don’t know who gave you the idea that reading a blog requires a “reading comprehension course” and I also don’t know what makes you think that it isn’t pretentious and condescending to address a group of people that happen to disagree by saying “To those who just don’t get it.” And if it wasn’t directed at me and the others who disagreed with V, who exactly was it directed at? By starting off something with “To those who just don’t get it” you assume that you DO get it…………and who the fuck are you? My whole post was directed at people like you and V, people that assume that they always have the right idea and that they just “get” the world, while the rest of us normal people are just floating around in our oblivious little lives. What I mean is, V is doing nothing but judge a large group of people that she most likely knows nothing about, and that’s a weak thing to do in my opinion
Children, please.
Why not address the validity of V’s points, rather than siting her egocentricity and/or lack of writing skills as ways to degrade said points? Look past petty arguments and deal with the issue at hand.
Are some women wasting their potential by hiding behind a self proclaimed right, given to them by their reproductive organs?
I have no fucking clue. I don’t know any personally.
I said that for those who haven’t read the whole thing AND fail to see how Point A affects Point B (comprehension), they should a) read the whole thing & b) consider reading comprehension. Nowhere did I say anyone had to agree with V or myself. I even went to say that if you did both of those things that it wasn’t aimed at you. So chill the fuck out. So many comments are rendered invalid (your own not amongst them) before they are even made; if folks like those actually sat down and read the whole thing they wouldn’t have to be hit with a dumb stick when it is pointed out in the article they totally missed what they were talking about.
I never had anything negative about you until you failed to comprehend what I said. I actually loved your original comment.
Shadowbird: “So if the 19 year-old feels happier being a male prostitute than a Doctor, than that’s his right choice.”
Yes, but people have successfully become prostitutes for thousands of years. They don’t need Feminism to do that, in fact, it was (and still is) the only choice for many women on this planet. Likewise, people have also sat around and got high for a very long time, and I’m sure that they did it because they thought it would make them happier than the alternative. Does that somehow make that the right choice too, or does it make them a loser stoner?
There’s that old saying about throwing rocks at dogs- the one that yelps is the one you hit!
I never saw V or anyone denigrate committed mothers, but there is a particular breed of moms who are more committed to the couch than their kids, and they use their SAHM status to avoid doing the things they are afraid to or unwilling to do. I know plenty of moms who manage to be there for their kids while pursuing outside interests and/or income. It’s entirely possible to “raise your own kids” and have a life at the same time. I feel sorry for the moms who turn up at school in slippers, but even more for the ones who make child servitude their “career.” Being a full time child-servant isn’t a “choice” for a feminist any more than beef is a choice for a vegetarian.
I feel so bad for the daughters of these women, and the terrible examples their mothers are giving them.
A lot of people waste their lives, and feminism is about women being able to choose to waste theirs just like men are. It’s just a fancy name for a self-evident right, not a commitment to make something of your life.
Exactly. There are a lot of people out there, male and female, who have careers but who are dead-eyed drones with no creative or intellectual pursuits outside of work. And, though their jobs might come with a high salary and lots of respect, that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re using their brains more, or finding more fulfillment. Anyone who’s ever had a worthless idiot for a boss knows this is true.
So basically, what V is saying is true as far as it goes, but it’s part of a larger problem that involves people from all fields. I don’t see why a mother with no hobbies/interests outside her children is any less “feminist” than a businesswoman with no hobbies/interests outside her job.
Wow Matthew, you may be right about there being a ton of things you can do with kids about, but it hasn’t worked like that for me.
When my first daughter was born I tried doing everything with her. I specifically remember gardening not going so well, as she would either cry when I laid her down on her blanket or cry because she didn’t like being strapped to my back while I crouched about pulling weeds. Also, art does not go so well with toddlers about grabbing art supplies and sometimes hands. Neither does anything requiring focused effort. Actually, almost the only productive thing I can do whilst watching my small kids (4 years and 18 months) is cleaning. And even that gets interrupted about every 10 minutes to get them something to drink or comfort the one who tripped or change a diaper or or or… I was shocked when I became a mom that this was the most physically and emotionally demanding job I had ever done but I had no intellectual or social network and didn’t get paid. It was a big transition.
I do have hobbies and marketable skills, but continuing to develop them has required hiring childcare. Maybe the kids will be more independent as they get older (things are getting better already, the first 18 months are the most intensive), and maybe if I had more in the future the older ones would help out, but babies are all-consuming little critters. I can see where a mom who still isn’t doing anything and her youngest kid is 10 might have a problem, but I think new moms should be cut some slack during those first few years of transition.
The person that wrote this article is a complete idiot and has no idea what a good mother does for her child day in and day out.
My daughter has a 170 I.Q. She is two years old and already enrolled in a State accredited Kindergarten class. She speaks three languages when most cannot speak one at this age.
I have four children and another on the way. I hold a PhD and my husband an MD. All of my children have higher than average intelligence and are extremely socially adjusted. And listen you poor excuse of a writer; it was much easier to work as a Sr. Researcher for the Department of Defense than it is to stay home and ensure my daughter reaches her full intellectual potential. The idiots (more than likely similar to yourself), that teach primary school, have no idea how to school her.
Television has not been watched by me in over three weeks. My children are only allowed to watch an hour of educational programs a day as a reward for completing other tasks. We do not have a nanny or other family help. I am lucky if I can take a shower before my husband gets home.
Yes, there are stay at home women (as well as men) out there that gossip and are bumbling idiots. But by your post; you are no better than them. There are also women and men in the workforce that do the same.
It sounds as if you are suffering from too much exposure to people similar to your intelligence level. As a result of this exposure, you are desperately trying to release the associated tension, by venting on a population that you have no direct experience with.
In terms that you might understand….Step off and find something more productive than trying to slam defenseless mothers devoting themselves to their child. The end result: a child that doesn’t end up being a babbling idiot, posting unwarranted attacks, to a population they don’t understand.
Toni:
You need to stop trying to prove your intelligence to other people. No one gives a shit.
Oh; we all must be retarded.
I’m just curious. Who are these women who are smart, well-educated and accomplished, and yet (magically) have no interests once they have children? I think most well educated women, in order to remain sane and balanced full-time parents seek something for themselves.
This article is funny and I see the point but, to belittle full-time moms doesn’t advance the role of women in society. We are beautifully suited to nurture little people and intelligent well-educated moms tend to raise interesting people (I guarantee my kid is the only one in her first grade studying ancient Mesopotamia at home).
The whole debate between women seems to miss the point. Our society should not honor women’s choices only if she chooses to compete in traditionally male dominated arenas. Those more traditional roles should be valued and respected as well so that skills unique to women are might be viewed are powerful assets.