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I promised my Mother I would get married on a Friday.
I was married by Monday afternoon.
Late Sunday night, […]
Original post: Fifteen and Already a Wife
Part 1 of this story is here.
Part 2 of this story is here.
I promised my Mother I would get married on a Friday.
I was married by Monday afternoon.
Late Sunday night, […]
Original post: Fifteen and Already a Wife
Quote: “For the most part, I fucking hate cops.”
Amen sister.
There’s no “for the most part” for me…I just fucking hate cops. V’s Mom was a cunt and I don’t use that word very often but I couldn’t think of a word that portrayed my anger quite as well. When are we gonna hear about the marriage and how it ended etc?!?!
Nobody gets out of a situation like that unscathed. It’s simply not possible. The things you mentioned are pretty mundane things to have an aversion towards, I’m guessing that the problems run a bit deeper.
When your friend mentioned how they thought you came out OK, I don’t think that’s a testament to your ability to “overcome” that horrible situation, but rather how fucked up our society is that even people with “normal” and “respectable” upbringings can be just like somebody that was abused as a child.
Also, if they do look at you with rose colored glasses don’t fault them for it, I’m sure you don’t let them see your neurotic side, or if you do it’s infrequently enough where they can write it off as a freak occurrence.
Humans are an amazing bunch. At times they can seem as dim as a broken light bulb, missing the most obvious signs, and sometimes they can surprise you by picking up on the most minuscule details. Like you said, people just see what they want to.
The story is beautifully told, V.
I know this isn’t the shit you want to hear, but you _did_ turn out OK. I hear what you’re saying about yourself. At the same time, you are a lucid, self aware, intelligent and financially stable person. That means that you’ve done better than a hell of a lot of people who never went through the things that you did. Probably worthless, but I’m impressed.
I’m curious: Are you happy?
If you are happy, then you don’t need hell to punish your mother. She just needs to know that she’ll never be happy and you are.
Thanks for the story!
#2 seconded, this isn’t the end of the story! how did it work out, the forced/arranged marriage? the way you retell it, it sounds like you still feel bad that you married him just to escape…I wouldn’t…he knew your situation, he knew you didn’t have a choice. He knew what he was risking, he chose to take that risk.
I fucking hate cops too. And I’ve been fortunate enough not to have a bad experience with them yet. But I’ve heard other stories, not just yours, and they are assholes. I mean I’m not denying that society needs to have police…but I think that the personality types that are attracted to police work are generally assholes with huge egos who have that need for power and authority, mostly just so they can use it and abuse it.
I understand what you are saying, needing to believe in god, so that you can believe in Hell, so that you can believe that there will ultimately be justice for your mom. I don’t believe in God, and I don’t believe in Hell, and it is stories like yours that kill me to think that probably, yes, she will never pay. There is no justice in the world.
“Before I end this and move on to discussing more lighthearted things, let me take a moment to discuss the permanent damage.
…
2. I cannot stand the sight, smell, or taste of goldfish crackers.”
I lol’d. V has my sympathies.
“Without Hell, my Mother will have gotten away with every bad thing she’s ever done.”
Was she happy? I doubt it. Happy people don’t do what she did in this story, and I’m sure it wasn’t the only awful thing she did.
She may not burn in agony for all eternity, but her life was not a good one, she clearly did not feel good about herself, and she was not healthy in the least. And there’s nothing she can do to compensate for all the time she wasted doing bad or evil things. (I believe she is no longer living; if she is, adjust the following accordingly.) Shorten eternity and every moment is infinitely more important, and your mother wasted the most valuable thing she ever had — her existence. (If she is still living and has turned around, look at it this way: she’s never going to get that time back.) Cliche goes that virtue is its own reward — evil is its own punishment. She hasn’t gotten away with anything.
You can’t change what she did to you, but you have complete control over your own actions. Negate her.
“After my explanation, I would have asked you to fucking spare me the claims of what you would have done if you were in my position. I would have told you to kindly shut the fuck up when you insisted that you would have made someone believe you. You speak as an emotionally healthy, grown adult. You don’t speak as a scared little kid who has spent her life reaching out to people only to suffer the consequences when she was once again left alone with her abuser.”
I admit, I didn’t think of details the cop should have noticed. My apologies V. Let’s just leave it at I’ve had (and still do currently) my own troubles with cops and drugs. That’s originally why I started blogging—to get all that shit off my chest. Unfortunately, I don’t feel comfortable telling half the shit that happened to me because people read my blog that know who I am… on the surface. There are people I’ve done everything possible to hide my background from and I want to keep it that.
Congratulations on the story and making it. Once again, I’m sorry for making some pretty ill-thought out assumptions.
V
Wow. That’s a lot of tough stuff that nobody should have to go through, not even your mother. And I’m using the term there hesitantly, because what she did tore up her “mother” card long before this story started up.
I’m glad that you got her out of your life, and that you survived the abuse she dished out at you. And I’m glad that you can put it out here for the kids who’ve been there, so they can know that somebody gets it. I work with those kinds of kids. One of my life mottoes is “It’s a shame more people aren’t born sterile.” I’ve got a list of people who should have been born sterile, and your mother’s on the list, and I think you’ll already understand that that’s not because I wish that you weren’t around. I just wish you hadn’t had to go through her to get to here, because nobody deserves that.
It doesn’t always go the way it went with you, although going that way the once with you as way more than is acceptable. The kids I work with have been taken from those places, frequently permanently. They don’t have a cakewalk, but they do have some support and safety. It’s not enough often enough, but I think you’ll understand that it’s a lot better than nothing.
I’m glad you had the people who could be there to help you through this. I wish there were more of them, and that they could have done more. But wishes don’t add up to much, do they?
They’re what I have. I wish you better. And I’ll keep trying to help the kids i can reach.
Just curious, V. Since your early life was festering in feces, and your present life is wafting in rose scents, what’s in your future? A few book contracts on imaginary lives you once had? How your life HAS to be harder than any one else and you deserve a three story soap box to shout from? Or, you enjoy telling stories with more fluff than a roll of Charmin? How can someone ‘buy’ your point of view if you use anonymous information from a supposedly true based event? Reminds me of a philosophy professor who stated, “don’t trust him, he’s a professional liar.” Kinda makes me wonder what form of integrity you are embellishing. Don’t expect respect when you have multiple perspectives on one truth - and most of them don’t correspond to the original story. V, time to make an outline and stick to it. Your tangents are running rampant and redundant. Yet, I enjoy your smack of surrealism. Ha ha ha ha.. And, I bet you love boasting to your significant other about being the bread winner in the family. So pathetic.
@10 I bet you think Jim Morrison was a fake. So was Jack Kerouac, Timothy Leary, Sasha Shulgin, and Ken Kesey. C’mon, you gave no examples. You just bashed. Shut the hell up.
Let the flame war begin.
I believe there are many people in this blog that follow every word of V’s with a religious ferver. Groupies and whomever. I do not. I read and place my opinion in this journal as do all the others. As for you referencing Morrison, Kerouac, Leary, and many others, their lives are documented. Not anonymous blathering from unnamed sources. Not sure why you’d assume I would consider their lives as untrue. Their lives were proven. V’s isn’t. She has a blog. Puts out tidbits of her psyche and hopes others are gullible to believe. As with any form of media, any perspective can be slanted. And, at what point in her life did she decide she NEEDED anonymous input from individuals she never met? And, why does she need therapy online when she says she’s rich and doesn’t need anyone? Manure can be spread as thin as she wants it. It’s still manure. Pity party at V’s house. Groupies wanted. Sign the whine list.
You know, normally, if you don’t like something, you ignore it. What’s your excuse?
As for documented, their lives are documented.. gasp.. mostly by THEM. The other biographers came later.
Welcome to the Intarwebs. Pleas enjoy your stay and turn on your brain. This is entertainment. You’re not required to believe it, but suspension of disbelief is what makes or breaks any good story.
Not sure if you understand Point/Counterpoint. Many people enjoy knowing there might be an opposing side to a story. Opposing doesn’t necessarily mean negative or destructive. Odd how the intellect of some web denizens are biased toward their special interests. Insult one of those interests and it becomes an insult towards them. Sometimes, people become interested in things that aren’t likable. And, it’s difficult to ignore. Excuse? I enjoy reading peoples’ reasoning, “because I said so”. And, in that brief moment, I am amused knowing they expect me to accept them without reason. No trust or faith. I won’t do that. I am beyond the childish implications involved in the lack of consequence online. Anything said online can and will be used against you.
You flame to your hearts content. I have no concern.
Oh, for references, I won’t cut and paste for you if you haven’t read any of V’s previous posts. Others enjoy doing that.
The fundamental thing I’m getting at is that you treat it like real life or death first and entertainment second. Treat it as entertainment first and stop whining. The point has been made many times that things aren’t always consistent. Get over it and enjoy the entertainment.
Ok, 15, I agree with your point. And, I thank you for agreeing with me about consistency. I will get over it. Entertainment awaits.
I’m glad you survived it.
I’m sorry to reduce it down to this… but without reading what you’ve been through, I wouldn’t be reminded again just how grateful I am that my parents were normal and my life with them was pretty damn good.
V - If your “friend” thinks this is one of your “good” stories I wonder what the friend feels your bad stories might be. I also wonder if your friend isn’t completely psychotic.
Having been the victim of emotional abandonment in my childhood, and physical and mental torture at the hands of my callous and evil older brothers, I can honestly say that survival and recovery is a long, perilous road. Progress is made, surely, but it isn’t seen until you turn around and look back at where you’ve come from.
I don’t pity you, V. Nor do I admire you. I’m the guy in the back of your dark room - watching intently as the darkness dissipates and you become aware of the change in the quality of light - nodding my head in a manner of encouragement.
When people ask me why I’m so strange I tell them this: “After all I’ve been through in my life, I’m surprised that I’m still alive, happy that I’m marginally sane, and I thoroughly enjoy the life I’ve made for myself. If that’s a problem for you then you can go fuck yourself.” It covers the basics and the questions almost always stop immediately.
As for your mother - sounds like a classic case of narcissism. It’s hard-wired. I think it’s a tragedy that she’ll never suffer guilt or feel remorse about how she treated you, but that’s just how it is with that personality type.
* * * * *
As for my fellow commentators who think V. should have made better decisions when the cops showed up - here’s a bitch slap from me to you! Whap Whap Whap Whap Whap!
How the hell do you expect a mentally tortured KID to make intelligent decisions? SHE WAS 15! Put yourselves in her shoes — try to imagine what she was going through.
Your “could have should have” assumptions made from the safety of your complacent adult viewpoints make me puke.
I thought “How can this possibly be true?” at the end of your trilogy meaning “how can this happen in modern society?” I still wonder how could have that been prevented, could the cop have behaved differently? Would child’s rights protectors have believed you and your brother if you had called them before you had to run away?
I also wonder about the consequences. I wonder is everyone “damaged” if tortured kid seems to be a “normal” person, or are you that strong a person that you cold overcome it? Am I not a “normal” person because you seem a “normal” person to me?
I don’t want to hate cops, so I hope that the bad things I hear about them are exceptions, and that in need I would get luckey enough to meet good cops.
Than You very much, V, for the great story.
I still think it is not important weather a story is real or not, if it touches me and makes me a better person.
@18
—
“V - If your “friend” thinks this is one of your “good” stories I wonder what the friend feels your bad stories might be. I also wonder if your friend isn’t completely psychotic.”
—
I don’t think her friend meant this story was “good” as in “pleasing.” It is a good story in the sense that it details an amazing drama.
I do apologize V for being one of the ones who said: “I would have done something different.” You’re right, I said that being the person I am now, had I been however old you were back then, I don’t know what I would have done. Perhaps I would have remained in that situation like you did. You did run away before though, in less abusive circumstances, and that’s why I found your story difficult to swallow.
Remember though, I can only respond to what you write. I have no knowledge of anything else. You write anonymously, you admitted to stretching the details, and the only reason that I believe you (while questioning you at the same time), is because I truly respect the other things you have written on this site.
People do not simply believe what they want to believe. It’s not that simple. People see a situation, and they try to get some information out of it, for any information that they do not see they fill in the blanks themselves. It’s really difficult to get someone to see and think exactly what’s going on in your head. This is complicated further by the fact that what we, your audience, has to go on is only what you write. We do not know you, therefore we’re incapable of “filling in the blanks” in your story adequately.
Therefore, please, be patient with us, and with those people you meet in real life who respond in a skeptical manner.
That said, your story is remarkable. Notice how this is demonstrated by the large number of remarks above this post. ;-)
Oh, and your friends are right, you turned out great.
Other kids in abusive situations turn into criminals, kill someone, and spend the rest of their life in jail.
You, on the other hand, are an incredibly intelligent and strong woman, and in this world of retarded bitches, that far outweighs whatever phobias you have.
“They don’t see the alcohol or the pills or the chronic insomnia.”
All of these can be fixed, not easily, but they can.
You can view yourself as a sad, abused being whose problems “can’t be helped” because of the abuse you went through, but then you’d be a hypocrite. You’d be seeing what you want to believe. The truth is that with enough effort you can fix all that, many people have gone through that kind of life and turned it around.
“They don’t notice my obvious discomfort with physical affection or the way I tear up very suddenly sometimes for reasons unknown even to me.”
I have a similar discomfort with physical affection, it’s not the end of the world. Don’t worry about it, focus on the good things in your life.
“And that way I panic and claw at my face should anything even come close to covering my nose and mouth? Why, that’s just a funny little phobia!”"
It’s not a “funny little phobia”? What is it then? I’m deathly scared of swimming in the ocean because I think sharks are going to attack me. It’s a funny little phobia I have. Why let it ruin your day?
(sorry been away for a bit…so i’m a little late on the topic)
i don’t think i understand.
i read a story. it was well told. it had emotional pull, and was entirely plausible. it entertained me - not in the lol kind of way, but kept me reading, and wondering and thinking.
….so, who the fuck cares if it’s true? or if it really happened to V?
i don’t think i get why it matters.
i suppose if you want to argue that that type of behaviour and abuse never happens in society, then go ahead and be stupid; but the reality is that crazy shit like this happens everyday.
don’t you have stories? some of the shit that happens to me on a daily basis makes me scratch my head…and for the ‘good stories’ in my own life…well, that’s not the point.
so if rational thinking people can grasp the possibility of this type of thing happening, then why all the arguing about the truth of it? who fucking cares?
even if it was originally a dream that V came to believe actually happened to her, it would totally and utterly effect her - from how she thinks, behaves and acts….seeing how the mind can’t distinguish between the real and the vividly imagined…
i’m getting all tangenty myself; i just don’t think i understand why we’re even discussing the reality of the situation and caring about it’s validity - when we could be discussing the ideas and flavour of the story instead…
/off soap box.
@18 You make some good points, but not all of us spoke from “complacent adult viewpoints.” Puke if you wish, but you have no idea who the people here are. Tsk tsk, assumptions.
V,
Thank you.
I am so sick of people demanding to know about my family, about my childhood. People can’t mind their own businesses. Finally, when someone manages to get me to finally snap at them the faintest tip of the iceberg, to get them to SHUT UP and stop ASKING, the LAST thing I want to hear is that it all ended up ok in the end! IT’S NOT OK! FUCK YOU, PEOPLE! I’m NOT ok!!
“I hope it does his heart some good to read something real for a change and not that Good Will Hunting bullshit.”
I FUCKING HATE THAT MOVIE!
I’ve been reading VA for a long time. I love reading what you have to say; it’s refreshing. Going through the archives, when I ran into your posts about Daniel, and I could almost hear the words “I wanted to kill my Father”. I fought off tears reading about Daniel, and then on to you. That fight was not one I could keep up very long. “I wrote it for the teenage kid reading from a dark room somewhere who is nodding silently to himself”.
“They don’t see the alcohol or the pills or the chronic insomnia. They don’t notice my obvious discomfort with physical affection or the way I tear up very suddenly sometimes for reasons unknown even to me. And that way I panic and claw at my face should anything even come close to covering my nose and mouth? Why, that’s just a funny little phobia!”
They quickly get use to the fact that you flinch at so much as a tap on your shoulder, not giving it a second thought. They aren’t there when you wake up with a panic attack from what you are reliving in your dreams. They refuse to accept that you won’t drink with them, but they don’t know that it’s because the smell of alcohol alone is enough to make you vomit. Or they might even be so determined to stay in their ignorant and “safe” little worlds by that they deem you a liar, and break a friendship because they can’t stand to be friends with “drama queens”, when THEY are the ones who wouldn’t leave you alone about why you never talk about your parents. And they wondered why you wouldn’t “open up”?
V, I know for a fact that things like that really happen. When you can’t even go to your brothers and/or sisters, not simply for the fact that you can’t face the shame, but also for the reason that you know that you cannot handle hearing what happened to them, so you know that they cannot handle hearing what happened to you. You don’t get together at Thanksgiving to “swap stories”.
V, first I say “thank you”, and that I believe you.
But second, I also know that I can be gullible, and that I have fallen for lies before, so while I absolutely do believe you, I want to add that if I am wrong, and that you actually did make all of this up just for kicks, you are far worse than any of the other disgusting scum of people of which you are always writing about. People are so disgusting sometimes that even when I believe you, I can still imagine being lied to, and it’s difficult to fight off imagining someone crack up because some “poor soul actually believed them”.
Third, I understand why you didn’t see Daniel’s problem. He probably would never have guessed that anything was wrong at your home, either. Sometimes it’s easier to assume we are alone.
OMG Your Mum!!
An open letter to V…
http://littlemisspi.blogspot.com/2007_04_01_archive.html
I’m coming a bit late here, but I wanted to say thank you for posting this. I have people in my life who point at me and say “Well, you turned out really well! Things couldn’t have been that bad!” or worse “Your parents must have done something right because you turned out pretty good!” I’ve had people who absolutely don’t believe a lot of the things that happened to me when I was younger, because a lot of them are horrible. But I get it. And reading that churned up a terrible feeling in my stomach. Even worse because it’s so familiar to me.
People do see what they want to see, and unfortunately, many of the abusers can play the part of normal innocent person perfectly, and know how to make it seem like the child is to blame for whatever happened.
It’s worse when you grow up and find out that your family knew at least part of what was going on, and did nothing to stop it.