(6 votes, average: 3.33 out of 5)
Loading ...I’m not a big fan of sleepy bedtime cuddling. I prefer cuddling when both parties are awake, fully alert, and properly engaged in an activity like movie watching or wine […]
Original post: I Don’t Like to Cuddle
I’m not a big fan of sleepy bedtime cuddling. I prefer cuddling when both parties are awake, fully alert, and properly engaged in an activity like movie watching or wine […]
Original post: I Don’t Like to Cuddle
I hate cuddling when I’m trying to sleep too!
I can’t imagine why he would possibly act like that except if you were a hottie (I’m assuming you were) and he thought instead of chasing after you and getting rejected, he’d just make it seem like he had the upper hand and avoid his friends bothering him about getting played by thier roomate(??) That’s all I can think of.
For all V’s claims, she is a good writer.
I don’t think it would be something like that, if it were he wouldn’t take it as far as he did for as long as he did. Fear of rejection also usually shows itself in more subtle subconscious ways.
I think there is a part of this story that is missing. I know that I am a sleepwalker, and I have literally thrown a TV off of it’s stand in my sleep. I was thoroughly confused the next morning, thinking that somebody broke into my room and messed with my stuff. Point is, maybe something happened while you were actually asleep that offended him? Or, maybe he’s bipolar.
Cuddling and sleep don’t mesh. I don’t care if I’m cuddled with after dozing off, but any noise, light, movement or cuddling while I’m trying to doze off pretty much stop me from being able to do so.
Oh yeah, I hate cuddling. Ditto getting groped while I am trying to sleep. I always wake up and wake up annoyed. This Tyler sounds like a freak. Maybe V, he thought you were awake while he touched your face (since afterward you changed positions and put your head on his chest) and since you didn’t respond to his gesture (by kissing him or touching him back of whatever), he figured you weren’t interested and resented you hanging out with him all evening. Like he thought you led him on or something… Anyway it’s all I can think of. I think you were perfectly reasonable but as you know it’s impossible to know people’s motives without asking; all you can do is speculate.
How bizarre…….
Prior to sleeping: love to cuddle. Sleeping time: give me space!
I move around a bit when getting to sleep, and if someone is draped on me it is nice for about 5 mins, but then I end up feeling trapped…gotta move, but don’t want to disturb them. I’ll move and they will stir and readjust, and I will INSTANTLY feel like I need to move again. If I slip out from under them, their arm/leg flops down where I was and now I have no bed left to sleep on. I’ll find myself teetering on the edge of the mattress while the other person is spread-eagle across the bed. I had one girlfriend that I could gather up and slide her over to one half the bed, no problem, she could sleep through an explosion. Most though wake up as I’m sliding them over, and they aren’t too happy about it, non-surprisingly. Usually I just explain the deal up front, and if I have to I’ll gently wake ‘em and ask if they can skooch over a bit.
As far as Tyler is concerned, what a chump. Its better that his ass-itude came out right away so you could avoid any real involvement with him. Its perplexing for sure, but the problem and the cause is all up there in that guy’s head. Good riddance.
V, without being a suckup, i’m sorry. that’s quite an emotional wound that can’t quite be healed.
When you were asleep, he was ’safe’ from intimate confrontation. Yet, once you were aware of his attention, he ’switched’ to his more pronounced aggressive behavior. His tendency to belittle and degrade you demonstrates his inability to cope with direct association. Especially with the opposite gender.
Psychologically, he’s crazy. Common sense would tell him you just wanted sex, not his house, cars, boat, beachhouse, island property or Swiss bank accounts.
Honestly, be glad you weren’t the squirrel that got his nuts. He was nuts long before you got to him.
And to think, had I had some excellent jokes when in college, I’d have oodles of dropped panties in waiting.
The reasons I can think of are:
-He is a really nice drunk and an asshole when he’s sober.
-You did something in your sleep that he didn’t like
-He noticed that you woke up and was either defensive about it and thought you weren’t interested since you didn’t do anything or that he was embarassed by what he was doing.
-Before you woke up or a bit later he talked to his friends and they said something about you or something that resulted in him not wanting to be with you.
-He never wanted to be with you and was simply pretty drunk and started to do that to your face simply because he was drunk and after he woke up and saw that you might have thought that there was something more to it he started to try to offend you so as not to lead you on (a bit like you did with the boy that worked with you in the library).
-Maybe he felt something stick into his thigh and thought that you were a transvestite :P .
Also it could be that the fact that you don’t want to snuggle is a direct consiquence of how he rejected you after you snuggled with him. Maybe you thought subconciously that the reason that he didn’t want to be with you was because of how you snuggled with him while you slept.
At first I thought it was going to be a story of how another guy took T’s place and how T saw V hug a different guy, but seeing nobody mentioned this as their guess I figured it was supposed to be too impossible because of V’s light sleep.
Another guess was that the guy didn’t approve of you hugging him while unconscious.
The only reason I don’t like cuddling while dozing off is because I become too sleepy and cant cuddle back properly.
Well written V. Tyler reminds me of myself 10 years ago. Now, ten years later I’ve pretty much realized there is a good chance I’ll spend the rest of my life alone. Not that I’d prefer it that way… I hold on to that snowflake of hope, at the same time stand ready to accept there may be nothing in store for me but the company of friends. I don’t know if I believe in fate but acceptance of day to day reality, whatever that means, has become
well… entertaining to say the least. So anyway, all I really wanted to say
is that you’ve expressed yourself superbly once again. Funny does trump all, and sense of humor is often the most definitively unique charactersitic
of the individual. When I realized it was my life that had become the joke, or should I say the butt of the joke, it took me awhile to get it… and finally… laugh about it.
V, you write so beautifully. I can’t get over it.
To those who entertain the word ‘imperfection’
realize there is no such thing…
you are rising to realization~translation:
perfection.
Think *gestalt*
holistic
‘the wholeness’
‘the sum being greater than the parts’
everything works itself out…
the definition of is/is
self correcting mechanism.
no abstraction intended….
What an ass, be happy you did not “Drop” your panties.
You’re very lucky that you two did not have sex before he flipped out like that, it may have hurt a great deal more.
Was this the same guy who said that you were a “Two Drink” girl? (Sorry about the double post.)
Aside from Spiderbaits’ notion that you were a transvestite sporting “morning wood”, (thanks for the very loud LOL BTW),..
Perhaps you might have “talked in your sleep”,..said something like “Oh Steve” instead of “Oh Tyler!”,..my ex claimed that I talked in my sleep,..but to her it was all code(side effect of a tech job!)
or maybe he was just a manic depressive, and you got to see both extremes.
maybe he was just young and stupid or vice versa.
Or… for a slightly more PC outlook that may offend some and may not offend others:
maybe he was just the embodiment of ‘the young and the restless…’
V,
He was a flake. Probably a bi-polar flake but, a flake none-the-less.
I can’t tell you how many times I have seen my friends date flakes and wonder why they act strangely.
Consider yourself lucky that you didn’t get involved with him.
This one can quite easily be explained by impotence. Not necessarily the erection-management kind, but impotence to be able to deal with a relationship at all. Perhaps Im generalizing too wildly now, but I would suspect the same thing could happen to a stalker if his subject would actually walk up to him and drop her panties.
Easier to take some type of high ground (silly as it is) than to admit an incapability to be mature in this specific way.
It should be obvious what happened:
As much as V is a good writer now, she was a mean bitch when she was younger.
So what happened is this:
- Tyler got awake before V.
- Tyler was very impressed and happy about V, so he talked about it to the group.
- Then some of V or T friends told him the things V had done to other guys, the ways she despised them and all the shit she brought to their lives.
- Tyler though, mistakenly, that V would do to him the same things she did to other guys,
or
- One or some of V victims were Tyler’s best friend(s),
or
- Tyler simply thought: ‘I will never be with someone that is capable of doing such things to nice guys (like me)’.
Thinking about it, V probably deserved it.
The reason Tyler turned on you was simple- YOU WERE A TEASE. I’m not trying to be vulgar or insulting. But lets just tell the story from Tyler’s perspective
I met this great wonderful girl, I made her laugh and did everything right. But it turns out she was just another tease and I don’t have time for that.
You not letting it go any further (when it could have, you were into him and it was your place so you two could have had privacy) was the reason his attitude towards you changed.
I feel like I have insight on this Tyler character. He probably has two modes, hilarious fun loving and charming, and then distanced,contentious and aggressive.
He really liked you, you mocked(unintentionally) his sexual goal. I probably would have reacted the same way he did. I doubt this was the first time someone he had gotten close to withheld sex from him. One day he probably got frustrated with situations like this and decided to handle them this way.
Like I said I probably would have done the same thing, men get VERY contentious when sexually frustrated in that way. You made the connections you wanted with Tyler, a deep emotional connection that still affects you today but men have to make an emotional and physical connection and you withheld that from him.
I don’t think Tyler was ever even in V’s house or apartment or whatever. Actually, I don’t think Tyler ever did anything other than speak to V. Also, I don’t think they were anywhere near any sexual contact. I’m going out on a limb here and saying the whole thing was nothing more than mind games that were carried out mostly by other people. Neither V, nor Tyler had much to do with the actual circumstances or outcome. Make sense? good.
to 25
1. Yes, Tyler was in V’s apartment.–”Anyway, I came home from class one evening to find my roommates throwing a party.”
Nowhere in the story does it state the two leave the apartment.–”I fetched a few pillows and blankets from my room”
You don’t think they were anywhere near sexual contact? Well maybe not in V’s mind.–”Back when I was a young college girl, if a guy made me laugh until my sides hurt, the panties were coming down.”
If V makes a statement like that then its perfectly reasonable to assume Tyler was expecting the panties come down after making said sides hurt.– “Tyler was fucking hysterical.”
Its only mind games from the perspective of V in this case. Tyler’s goals were simple. (re: side splitting=panties dropping) Thats not so much a mind game as a means to an end.
They both had a lot to do with the circumstances. I doubt during the night Tyler got up and became this contentious person by means of talking to V’s male roommates on the situation.–”I’m going to interject right here and now to say that I have always been a very light sleeper.”
Tyler, probably didn’t have a lot of luck with women,”Obviously, Tyler was a bit of a dork.” He was likely frustrated sexually, as every human being gets.
Men don’t cuddle on the couch late at night with a girl they just met when they do not want a sexual relationship. Tyler was impatient. V was unaware (or unwilling to) of Tyler’s sexual agenda.
Miscommunication caused Tyler to close himself off and become angry at V. Miscommunication caused V to not get the signals Tyler was giving her. It happens, sometimes its tragic.
Alright. Under the assumption that every story V conjures up on her site is 100% the only and absolute objective truth of how her life actually occurred, you’re 100% absolutely correct.
I on the other hand am, of course, assuming the contrary. Just because. That’s all. No miscommunication, just skepticism about the facts. At first, I believed my grade school principal when she told me the moon was made of cheese. That doesn’t necessarily make it so. Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction, but often times it’s much more ordinary and mundane.
I believe Tyler may have been going through some sort of minor nervous breakdown at this point in his life, there had to have been more factors contributing to his behavior than just his encounter with V. It seems only logical that there was some extenuating circumstances in Tyler’s life, besides the miscommunication between him and V, that led him to treat V like such shit.
It could’ve been Hale Bop.
I think that Chris hit the nail squarely on the head on this one.
Tyler lashing out at you the next day is his defense mechanism against you rejecting him. I know that in your mind you did not reject him, but in his mind you did. And the reason behind this is mostly because it didn’t go anywhere sexually. This normally wouldn’t be an issue for guys that have learned to rise above it, but most men still have not. It boils down to how society and how guys can be, made especially worse by college.
The conversation that he probably had with his buddies would have probably went something like this:
Friends: So Tyler, did ya bang her?
Tyler: No, we had a lovely evening cuddling as she fell asleep in my arms.
Friends : >
Now had you acknowledged him in some way there would have been no problem. You needed to make Tyler feel like a man, because his personality was too passive to make what you did together enough.
The friends were supposed to say:
Berate and make fun of Tyler.
“Men don’t cuddle on the couch late at night with a girl they just met when they do not want a sexual relationship.” Yes, they do. Just because most are hormon ravaged teenagers until their grave, doesn’t mean all are. And if Tyler was so desparate and impatient, why didn’t he try anything? You keep talking as if V had to read Tyler’s mind AND initiate the sex, since all he did and ever tried to do was cuddle…
The truth is, nobody knows why. Possibly not ever Tyler.
Young Lesbians Having Sex…
Sorry, it just sounds like a crazy idea for me :)…